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Dear Journal,

Why does everything have to be so complex, so annoying so complicated. Why do stupid things and common sense fall through the cracks. I hate watching and doing nothing and being helpless. I'm lucky I live at home with an easy job (to me at least). I pay rent , my little bit of bills but everyone has it so much worse than me. So should I be complaining. Maybe the television makes it that way. Everything ever on television is depressing, someone family got killed from a possible brother in law. We are stuck in Iraq for who knows how long, we have people voting before election day. You have a choice of evil 1 or evil 2. Although there are other parties that have common sense that aren't even mentioned (Aka Libratarian, Consititional, Green). All we can do is sit and wait and suffer because someone else manipulated a few million to believe what they believe. We are so concerned about what we were, who is doing what when, what new in movies then we forget what is really important. Our support groups and possibly some morals. How much time does it take to look up Evil 1 and Evil 2 seriously? Internet Dah. Not just with Evil 1 and Evil 2 (the presidential candidates) but real life issues. Would calling some talking head be all that hard? Unions have some good ideas like to come together as one big group and take a stand. I know I can speak for me but there are millions that don't stand up they just sit on their hands. They don't listen instead the just drown themselves in their movies and clothes and recreational activities. Why do people allow the to tell them what to think. Are they just famous and so we listen? Why not go question after we watch these stupid people . why do we watch them at all. Better yet why don't more people turn off their local news and national news?
Having an easy life just makes me feel helpless and not what I think I should be doing. I question my religion, I question government, I question people who I thought were smart now I find out there as dumb as everyone else. (My chiropractor likes the Messiah) So really is it good to just sit and have a safe life or is it good to know I'm not like everyone else because then I would be making the same decisions. I thought I knew the way people are but now I'm just clueless.
I want so much more than what I have right now.

Sitting in my room is safer than working 2 jobs I guess. 2 jobs will be the reality if I want to move out on my own. One job isn't quite enough because an apartment is like 800 a month in Maryland. My job gets me no where. I see all these cool things and I can make them but I have no one to share them with. I can only push stuff on my family so often and I only have so much time to make the stuff before I'm questioned "what is this for and what is that for" , and only so much money to spend." I'd rather get paid to make different things and maybe bring a mess up home once and a while.

I really don't want to keep my job but I probably will have to. I just hate how people are so self centered and bias. Ok so I make a mistake, I get scolded "I told you so" and its the end of the world. They ******** up and its like "ops anyway what was I saying". I think a lot about myself and how it effects me and others and my consequences. Others are like so what. How do people act like nothing happened. An example would be my friend forgot to do something. Her Mom is like you "should be more confident bla bla bla" . Her Mom makes a mistake and its like "Mom its ok no big deal". Yah its her mother but she still was harder on her daughter than she was on herself. Why have such high expectations? That kind of irritates me. Every job I've ever had was people oriented. I know how people react and what which facial gestures mean and what they will say and what I shouldn't say. You get bored and pay attention to the little thing s to entertain yourself smile .

I tried for one place and they were like how about 9.00 an hour. I told them I would be keeping my job. Ten they were all with both jobs you would make this much. In my head I was like your not even near what I want or what I'm worth. I glanced at the numbers and was like ah huh but it went in one ear out the other. I was just thinking how selfish the guy was. Also he fact the dish washer was peeling potatoes, and cutting meat at times. Maybe I should call the Maryland health department on them smile Potatoes and dishes don't mix smile . The job wasn't for me . I want to stay in my field. I don't want someone to have the excuse I have less experience because I did other jobs besides my own, anyway there recipes were easy and boring ( I wanted a job as a pastry cook). They acted like they already knew me. Yah I was shy and very egar. I'm actually very talkative and opinionated but I don't want to be apart of the gossip so I keep my mouth shut. I don't think I should have to prove myself to coworkers. Maybe my cover letter was too desperate. Something to work on . I know I can do better than that 10.12/hr- 14.00 is what a pastry cook should get . I plan on trying for right in the middle.

Hachi_ate you

Ps. I would love to run for council person for my district but yah um. Money....experience . Nice circle.