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Dear Journal,

This week should be fun. I hope I get this job in Dc but actually it will be in Virginia but I'm from Maryland. Its a job as a Pastry Cook. Its an entry level job and a 2 hour commute. Life is full of sacrafices . The qualifications ( I keep listing them in my head too) are Doing basic doughs, decorating skills, converting recipes to make smaller or larger portions, and tempering chocolate. I take Stratera for my Add. It helps me focus at work. I would look like I was bored or not pay attention and it would make me look really bad on a job that may hire me. They were very nice wen I had to call them back to make sure I could get off. The other place wasn't that patient.


I have to take it twice because I go to work but then I also have to go to the restaurant at 4:30. I know the side effects they aren't fun. The ones I get are usually nausea and dry mouth. I got the insomnia which would actually come in handy in this case. I really hope wen I take the second pill in the afternoon that I don't get sick. I was on a date and I took it on an empty stomach boy that wasn't fun. I felt so guilty. When I take it in the morning I eat a big breakfast. Usually like a bowl or 2 of cereal and toast. It depends on what I have time for. I'm not sure if its from having a breakfast with proteins, starches and fats . I know I had pancakes and got sick. The medicine can't be tricked. I was full but not for the medicine.

My Dad and I got to see the Rockets in New York City. It was a really good show. They are really talented. So are all the musicians and I'm sure all the other people who make the show possible. People like them make me want to work harder towards becoming a Pastry Chef. There very dedicated and do what they love and worked hard to get there. Now they all have a great performance to show for all there work. Some of them probably worked there way up to get to do all the extra side things like be one bears or have a solo.

Life is full of sacrafices. If you can't find what you want one place you move or go somewhere else. Like fir a job or relationship. Seriously can you really hide behind a computer and never expect to go on an actual date or just hangout with that person? I don't think talking with someone is enough. You really need to hang out with them get to know there quarks , know them away from a computer screen that there hiding from. I don't mind meeting half way. I almost don't mind the out of date picture? Its a little hard to judge someone when there 100 pounds lighter. Actions speak louder than words. If I sent him a disposible camera would he really use it and show me what he looks like. I just want to know what he really looks like . People can say there ugly. My friend Jason is kind of ugly. His hair is a mess and he has pretty bad acne. It looks better cut. He actually looked cute when it was cut. Wouldn't change any feeling or anything. I don't think I'm ugly just not unique enough looking or perfect enough to be a model (its not in my genes). If I got him the camera would there be some excuse behind the giving him the camera? I showed him a cheesy picture that I really didn't like but it was recent and I showed it. It wasn't that bad. Am I going to like him less because of how he looks? My friend had this guy that liked her. He didn't look bad he was just an a**, immature and short. I swear him and his friends maybe minus one is like ew girls. Yup 22 year olds can think that. I really liked the one he could tell but he had no response nor want to get to know me . His loss. If this other guy is like your too whiny about your perfect this and perfect that and judges me on that not the kind of person I am them them he can kiss my a** too. Why should I wait around for someone or go on there schedule. Moving is fine. Maryland sucks. I can find a job lots of places soon as I get experience.

I guess he's tired of changing for everyone else. Listing to peoples bullshit when he has his own to deal with that he may want to talk about. If you have medical issues shouldn't you deal with them first? Like a need for surgery, a good talking doctor (there not easy to find good ones). Your own well being to me is way more important then filling a missing void. Yah it may fill the loneliness. So whoever you choose just has to move wherever a teaching job pays? Relationships are between two people. Two people who date.

Dating is ok. If you date a few girls go ahead. It takes time even if it is on the internet. Your not going to get a mind reader who searches through your mind for the ideal girl, searches through a bunch and says that's the one for you. That's what dating is. If there's a few let downs then so be it. One less friend I guess in his mind? He doesn't have many and all his friends want to date him? His ex was a best friend of his? So is that his fear. The other guys its like maintenance I could care less about. There nice but no matter what I would never fit in. Yah they helped me forget the day without drugs or alcohol. I just felt out of place.

All I know is the guy I like is judging blindly and narrowing his choices down for no reason but a ticking clock he doesn't need to deal with.

Hachi_ateyou