I haven't written in this thing for months now it seems. I promised myself I would write in it more, but I barely have time to be on the internet let alone Gaia :sigh:. Oh well, what can you do? I mean with all the things happen in school and my personal life I'm a little on edge. Which brings me to why I decided to write in here again...
I played my first game of 'Gay Chicken.'
I didn't know what it was and my friends explained it to me that it was a game to see who would pull there face away first (before people kissed, that is). Well, not being one to back down from a challenge, I accept and play with one of best friends, who is a girl (the game can only be played with people of the same gender is what they told me).
Now, I am pretty sure that I like men (I do have a boyfriend... Saiyajin heart X3), but I have never been too sure about women. Sure I think women can be beautiful and lets face it... hot, but I've never been sure if I liked women. I'm almost certain I prefer men (and if I'm bi sexual it would be 90% toward men 10% toward women... very uneven).
Anyway, when the game starts I think that my friend will slowly push her face toward mine. But I was worng. It turns out that she went father fast and before I knew what was going on and had a chance to pull away... we were kissing. Even though it was just a short peck that couldn't have last more than five seconds... I was still completely taken off guard. It was one of those surprise and unforseen moments like in anime (Weird, neh?) where once the kiss started you just seem stuck there in time.
I was so shocked that I really did not move for a good minute or so. It would have been longer if we were not at a public place were everyone from my highschool could see us. It's not that I was embarrassed by the kiss, it's just. I don't know what to think of it.
I mean, I'm certain that I don't see her as more than a friend. But now I'm not sure what she thinks of me. We always joke around in school and say sexual innuendos to each other all the time, but I always thought she meant it in good fun. I didn't think she was serious. Even though I knew she was bi sexual, I never thought she would see me as... attractive?
I don't want this!! I don't want to have friends start liking me (male or female alike). I've had too many relationships with friends that haven't worked out. And besides... I have Saiyajin. But, a person having a boyfriend/girlfriend have never stopped my friend before.
I really should have seen this coming... Or maybe I pushing it out of proportion and over thinking the kiss. I hope it's the latter. :sigh: This is just what I needed in my life. More angst...
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Kodoku na Oujo no Nikki (The Diary of a Lonely Princess)
This little, worn diary, holds my deepest thoughts and fears.
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