Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It's late. And I shouldn't even be writing a journal entry...But man. That sucks so bad. What is it with me? Is my admiration too strong? Or do I just want to be in love? Am I obsessive? Do I latch on too fast and too hard? Why do I fall so easily? What is it with me? I'm just asking to get hurt...I don't want that pain. Why am I insisting that every girl is going to be the one? I know they come and go. Why does it feel like I hit it off so well? That's just a recipe for disaster. Do I need some kind of help? Am I abusive? Am I a control freak? Am I one of those guy's that want to know every single move that she does? Gosh...I must be obsessive...Why am I like that? I want to know why I'm like that...I want to know every single little thing about somebody. Why do I do that? Am I a stalker? Creeper? And I'm really good at it too..What the ******** Za..If that's so, then why do I push people away..


What is it that makes me push everybody away...Is it because I don't want to get hurt and I stop it sooner than later? Or is it because I'm afraid of giving it a chance? Knowing that I would most likely get hurt..More than likely to get hurt. Yeah, that's right...Guy's have feeling's too...Most tend to not express them though...Society has successfully created an image that portrayed guys to be "big tough men". Expressing your feeling's, makes you vulnerable to these attacks...Because you are not of the norm. Regret. Regret.........................................Regret that you didn't take the chance. Regret of "What could've been". God. I'm so ******** lonely! wtf?!....I guess that's the answer.......Loneliness...I just don't want to be alone...I latch on. Hoping that whoever I latch on to, wouldn't leave. But they all leave in the end. If not leave, I push them away for fear of getting hurt/falling.


Forever alone DOES have it's meaning behind it. I'm guessing this is it. Doesn't help that the music I'm listening to is sad AF. Their is nothing I really CAN do..Other than being lonely. It's the type of feeling that makes me feel so empty....As if I have nobody. In solitude...I suppose...I wonder how many people in the world feels this way...I wonder if their is anybody out there that can relate to what I'm saying...Just to be understood..Does everybody crave that feeling? Just wanting to be understood...Just to be acknowledged..Just to know that their is at least one person out there who understands your feelings...The same types of feelings that I'm feeling...


The feeling of loneliness...Has GOT to be one of the worst things to feel...Unfortunately..I've been feeling a lot of this lately. Is this good or bad? Am I just overthinking too much? Or am I feeling like this because I deserved it...Is this karma? If so..What did I do in the past that makes me deserve to feel this way..Anything but this....Anything but this...................I hope this ends soon...I really hate to be lonely..Can somebody save me..? Anybody...Or am I going to have to save myself? What should I do? What can I do to escape this in a healthy way..I just..I just don't know how..I feel helpless. As if I'm so far underground that nobody can see me. That nobody can save me. As if..I'm stuck with nobody but me..Hoping that someday, somebody can pull me out. Out of my misery. Out of this horrible place...Out of the darkness. Away from all of this...But when..? Am I really forever alone</3? It's 2 in the morning now..And I'm tired..So I'm going to sleep this away..Hoping that it'll be a better day when I awake...Thanks for reading..It's late at night and I shouldn't even have made a journal..But I just couldn't get this off of my chest..I had to blow some steam out somewhere...It's not as long as my other journal's, so excuse that..Probably some grammatical errors but I can care less when it's this late..Thanks for reading. I'll post again really soon...Hopefully..Or once a month.......Gosh..When I come back to read this, I hope I don't sound so soft/butthurt/girly/desperate...I certainly don't want to come out in this fashion..It'll be embarrassing..But I guess it was what I felt..G'night, and again, thank you for reading this short journal entry..Until next time..