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I really don't understand the point of a private journal. Yes, I understand that it is to express your feeling's. I understand that those emotions are very precious. I understand that by expressing them, and letting other's read your mind, your thoughts, your belief's, it makes you surprisingly vulnerable. How does it make you vulnerable? Your putting your belief's out there. Your idea's. Your emotional ties with the words that you use. And with that, if you leave it public, can get attacked. Other's know how you think. Does it make it easier for them to manipulate you? Quite possibly. But, with the con's also comes with the pro's. They are able to understand your word of thought. How you, as your own separate unique person, think of the world. How everybody's thoughts and idea's differ. And that what you think are special to you, it's what makes you; you. It's what seperates you from the other 6 billion people in the world. But most of us are afraid to let other's into our light.


We are afraid for other's to read what we think, for fear of being judged. For fear of not being good enough. For believing your certain idea's that people across the world doesn't believe in. It's to express your emotions. Love. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Frustration. Happyness. Such emotion's are so strong in us. Good and bad. Healthy and unhealthy. In big and small doses. Is it really worth it, to private your journal? For your feeling's to never be read or heard? Is it precious enough that only you may know what words of expression is contained inside that journal? Are those emotions in those words, really that strong, that you have to private it? Deep down.....I believe everybody want's to be heard. I believe that everybody want's a voice. That, with such powerful emotions, even if you private what you say, you still want to be heard. Deep down, you hope somebody listens. You hope that someone cares about what you think. That you ARE somebody in the world after all. That out of these billions of people, someone is willing to listen to what you say. Agree or disagree, just for them to listen, to be willing to try and understand your words, it makes you feel alive.


I'm all alone. Once again. By myself. I've pushed everybody away. Everybody has left. I'm alone...Once again. But it is my fault. I don't deserve to have anybody listen. Dying alone, right? I guess this is what they call a loner. Forever alone </3. Can I save myself from my own misery? I have nobody, no friends, nobody to listen. But then again, who really read's another person's journal on here? Is it just a waste of space? Just there, to be there? To make whoever is writing that journal, secure? With hope? That somebody is actually reading? That somebody is actually lurking? That somebody actually want's to see how you feel? I have no idea...But nobody really uses the Gaia journal's...At all...Most use it to keep pictures, dream avatar's, and role plays. Does anybody ever actually use it to express their feeling's? Even if they do, how do I come across it? With people who has similar idea's and thoughts and belief's? I guess this is just a world by yourself. I make my journal public, to allow anybody who is willing to take the time out of their day, to read my thoughts. To possible influence and change the way that they might possibly think. Of certain idea's, feeling's, different topics.


Time to get more personal? I guess. That's it with Emily, I believe. Blocked, again. But that game goes both way's. I guess that's goodbye to our friendship right? Geez. That was really dumb. You was different. I guess. But. Once you fall in love, all girls are the same. They play the exact same games. Odd how I was able to sorta figure out or predict a little bit of everything. So your playing THAt game? Breakup and makeup. No, the breakup is only temporary. The jelly game? Both of you try to make the other as jealous as possible, and whoever comes back to the other one, loses. Denial, regret, and back in the bag. Spying and secret creeping on both sides. Don't worry, that's what all couples do. I've seen my fair share. But really, that was the last straw. Even if you try and come back, to befriend me, I will never, ever, talk to you again. Relating emotions and feelings, no more. All gone. Your never coming back into my life. Like I told you about Mai, I don't hate you. I just don't want to ever talk to you again. Let alone, meet you in person. Farewell.


I wanted to make this journal about you. Because, this is going to be the very last time that I'm going to talk about you. I really meant it when I said we were never going to go out. All those compliment's, weren't "romantic" compliments. I just wanted to make you happy. I wanted to boost your self-esteem. I wanted you to feel better about yourself. No more cutting. I want you to see that your beautiful. And nobody can judge you. But you sorta took them the wrong way. It's true, my feeling's got a little deeper. But I never wanted you as a girlfriend, no offense. And I mean that in the kindest, most nicest way possible. You made for a really, REALLY good friend. Even if we went out, you would've been nothing but a really good friend. A lot of illnesses from your side of the family. A lot of addictions, if we had gotten to be more than friends, I wouldn't want my kids to have those type of issues. BUT keep in mind, these were my reasons for why we would never go out. Your a really great person. Sometimes, I would even urge myself to come down there. Just to hope to make your life a bit better. Just to meet you, just so you would have a little bit more happyness in your life if all it took was for me to come down there. All in all..I'm glad I was so close to you at one point in our lives. How I was able to tell you anything, every single little emotional thing that I couldn't tell anybody in person, I was able to tell you. Burning bridges is a really hard thing to do. Watching you do it without hesitation, is something that I'm really jealous of. I hang onto a lot of things. Emotions. Memories. And it pains me to just cut off somebody. I guess I now have a better definition of what heartless meant, right? It's not a bad thing at all. It just makes you a really good girlfriend by listening to your boyfriend. I applaude that. But this is it. This is goodbye. I've definitley made up my mind now. Thank you for the memories. Take care of yourself. You won't hear from me ever again. I'm out of your life, and you, out of mines.


Thank you, to whoever is reading my journal. Excuse my butthurtness. Excuse the raw emotion that I just expressed. In a couple of months, I'll look back and see how emotionl I was. How sensitive I was. I'll write another journal when I have the time. Again, thanks for reading.