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For today's purging, I've decided to run with the metaphor that I ended with on that last journal entry. Or was it the one before that one? I'm pretty sure it was the one before that one.

Today was marginally better than the last one. I attempted to start forming a filing procedure for the workflow transition; it was a decent start and helps prepare me for the future when it can be completely implemented. But for now, there are no permanent filing areas that can be used for this, so instead I'll be putting all the folders in a box.

That felt a lot more impressive when I did it than when I wrote this down. Go figure.

I suppose one stage we all want and need to get to in our lives is something close to that. We know exactly what we're doing at any given moment, and we're prepared for the future, whatever may come, because we live by the moment.

But to get this far requires a somewhat modest degree of experience and know-how that I still don't have.

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm only 19 and I won't get everything right on the first time, since this is my first job. But I'm responsible for some very important things that hold this team together.

Life is difficult being the best at what you do when you know you're actually sub-par.

I had a series of eye tests today, and apparently I've got a very mild case of colorblindness. This prevents me from cross-training into a Weather job, or any other job that requires full color vision in the USAF.

I don't mind this too much. I'll be jealous of the people who are in Weather and learn about the sorts of things that I want to learn about, but that doesn't stop me from at least learning about the subject. Heck, I could probably work a civilian weather job without any problems, it's just the Air Force feels it has to hold these stupidly high standards sometimes just because they don't want to have any risk of error in crucial fields like Weather.

To be honest, I rushed myself in the test, too. They had these little circles with differently colored dots, and I was supposed to discern the numbers that were in them. I easily read off the ones that had vibrantly colored dots, like red and green, and blue and purple. But there were a few with shades vaguely similar to each other, like burgundy and mauve. I could have read off the numbers in those circles if I had traced the different color into the shape of a number, but if I'm going to be deployable for a job like Weather, I'm not going to risk having a chance that I might destroy the one chance at a job that I truly wanted because I took too long trying to tell the difference between one color and another.

That'd be awful. And it would give me a better reason to commit suicide than having a job I realize I don't fit in with well.

I suppose now I have to focus on another job for me to have, though. I am NOT going to stick myself in this petty little desk job for 6 years, and I have to have another direction to take, whether I leave after my 6 years of enlistment are up, or whether I decide to stay in.

I'm going to get at least some education into meteorology, whether it's atmospheric dynamics or learning how to identify every possible type of cloud.

That's right, fools, I'm gonna keep my eyes held up to the sky, even though I don't measure up. And I'll be smiling, oh, I'll be smiling, 'cause I'm right where I want to be.