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LAL (Laughing At Love)
all my life i have wanted some one to be there for me and to love me. some one to really be mine. but i dont think i can find that. its something that u can only find on match.com. i wonder how many of those people really stay together.... looks like paul and i wont. that sucks. cuz we have spent a lot of time in this relationship. and i thought i really loved him. but he is saying things that no one that really loves some one would do. i thought that we could be together always... but instead... we fight always. its hard to be away from him, but its harder to be close to him. there is always something in the way. and he says there isnt... but i know that video games and tv gets in our way. when that stuff wasnt in his life so much... wewere a lot happyer. when he spent his spare time talking to me... and trying to be with me. and i spent all my time on him. i love who he used to be.. but i dont know if i like the new him. with every fight he changes into someone different. and i hate it. and u know what. i cant handle fighing. i can handle drama. i hate it. thats y i dont have chick friends. cuz they talk mess and they just start too much crap. and im not into that.i dont know how to handle it... i never will. i dont want to get into that. but he is more of a chick in that sence then i am. some times i cant see why we are together. i know i love him. but it takes two people in love to have a good relataionship. when we arent together... or when there is a problem... like when he thinks im pregnant... then our love is strong. then he is focused on me. i need attenetion. i always have, and i always will. that is just something that is obviouse about me. we dont look @ eachothers feelings unless we are trying to hurt them... wether he wants to admit it or not... when u are fighting with some on... u take that persons weakest points and u hit them till they break. if only we spent enough time thinking about what makes eachother happy. then we would be in a good relationship. i need to do soemthing. something productove. something to get out all this anger i want to throw @ him. though he makes me mad... its not his fault. its mine. for letting it get to me...... i dont know what to say, i want to say some things... but they arent nice. so i should keep it to myself
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