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so yeah... today wasn't as bad as the last couple days, as far as feeling depressed goes, but i'm still not too hot.

i almost tried to get out of work today, but in the end i went. and for the most part i'm glad i did. there were a few minutes there i was feeling pretty shitty, and like i'd rather be curled up in bed at home, but over all it was sorta nice to have something to do with myself. got my mind off of everything, ya know?

i did some journaling earlier today, and that helped. figured out that a lot of my stressors right now are actually pertaining to school. like i have a form to turn in for financial aid, and then this add/drop thing that's waaaaaaaaaaay over due -_- so yeah, i think that's what's really been eating away at me lately, although i'm quit sure my s**t relationship with casey isn't helping.

mostly, it's not that i'm sad or anything about our relationship issues, i'm just feeling like i don't have a shoulder to lean on. i mean, i have friends, but ... well i've never been very good about crying to people unless i'm really really close to them. and even then it's hard. i guess it's all that "boy code" crap i grew up with. keeps me wanting to be tough.

i'm really trying to get over that though. i want to be able to express my emotions more honestly. laugh, cry, be angry, whatever. i just want to do it fully and honestly. most of my life i've tried to keep them in check, expressing them only moderately or else not at all. the "weak" emotions i've always kept private, but even happiness i tend to moderate. like smiling, i try not to smile big, like with teeth showing and everything. i guess i wanted to be cool about it, but really it just keeps me feeling bottled up. i can't live that way any more. i just can't.

i missed math again today -_- i just keep over sleeping. so tonight i'm going to try and get to sleep at a normal hour. which means i should really get off my computer, do a little homework, and get ready for bed all in the next hour/hour and a half.

that said, i guess i'll ttyl.