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Well, we've been in WA almost a month now. I can't say I'm in love with the new apartment, or that I missed the Spokane area and am glad to be back, but I suppose over all it's fine.

It's also been pretty amusing to watch my boyfriend experience his first real winter, and react to the snow as though it were something unreal.

Yes, life was moving right along and I was pretty much neutral about the whole thing until a few days ago. I was listening to some music the other day and a particular song came on.

It's called "West Coast Friendship," by Owl City. I first discovered Owl City shortly before I moved to LA, and was still in the obsession stage I always get when I find a new band, so I listened to it a lot during that move. I was listening to it again on the plane down there, and West Coast Friendship is one I became especially attached to, as it reminded me of my situation a lot.

I sort of rediscovered the Owl City again this summer, and spent a lot of time listening to those songs while sitting on the balcony drawing or reading or maybe just waiting for my bf to get home.

So I have some pretty vivid and well established memories associated with the song and band in general. And when it came on the other night, at first it made me smile at the memory, but then I became immediately sad. The last couple days I've been feeling pretty homesick, and have started to question the move.

Why did I leave California? For a degree I feel is useless? For the money my scholarship gives me to complete that degree? For the pride that was hurt when I couldn't make it as a writer in Cali? For my parents who were disappointed I might not finish, and who feel it is an essential to my future? For my brother, because I have some silly guilt complex over the fact that once I got my scholarship he was basically disqualified (they don't give it to the same family more then once, so siblings compete against each other) thereby limiting his options (my family was extremely poor so no scholarship = no school) and eventually landing him in the military and ending him up with a ticket to Afghanistan after the conclusion of this year? And now more guilt at having taken my boyfriend away from his home state, a job at Sony Pictures, and thrusting him into potential financial hardship, his first winter, and no good career moves? Granted this one is only a temporary issue, but still, it doesn't relieve the guilt I hold at the moment.

I don't have any one good reason to be in school right now. All I really have are a series of half-assed reasons, a bunch of guilt, a hurt ego, and a whole bunch of people telling me this is the right choice and that I should finish and I'll be so glad I did latter on. Really? Will I?

Well I better be, that's all I can say, because this whole thing has been a bit of a pain in the a**, a real wear on my emotions, and I could literally be sitting on the beach in Malibu and driving PCH with the windows rolled down on his camero, or seeing more movies on Sony's lot in Culver City, and driving the freeway through Los Angeles with city lights illuminating an otherwise dark night. Instead, I'm excited to see 35+ degrees and a few hours of sunlight, while loathing our inept kitchen, and busing my way into Spokane tomorrow morning for a job that's just seriously not my cup of tea.

*sigh* Life was finally looking up for me for the first time in at least 8 years, from a certain perspective you might even say closer to 15 and maybe even 21, and now... now I just feel like I'm back tracking.

Oh well, at least I have one major plus in all of this: I didn't come back alone. My boyfriend was so amazing, and so sweet, and so supportive, that he actually gave up his life in LA to come with me.

And come June 2011, we'll be on our way out of here, forever (or it had better be forever!).