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I guess in my last entry I wasn't exactly cheerful either sweatdrop sorry, but this will be more of the same I'm afraid.

So life is okay I guess. I've had some good and bad. That one class is still a bit annoying, mainly because I think the professor has developed a bad opinion of me. He gave this lecture at the end of class today about how we have to work hard on our group projects and be there for our team. And he kept looking at me. I guess because I missed that meeting where we were handing out the surveys (I told him I had a scheduling issue), and I recently missed - oh my god - my first and only day of class of the entire and nearly finished quarter. I e-mailed him as soon as I found out (2 days ahead) and explained what was going on, and he said it was cool as long as I cleared it with my group. Well, I was gonna e-mail them all next when I realized I didn't have any contact information for them, so I had another classmate (this guy whose number I do have) tell them for me. But you know what, and I figured this was the case too, I didn't miss a thing! We didn't do any group work in class that day. The two people in charge of data entry for our group only just finished doing that as of today - and actually they want to go back and check for errors still so they're not really done. And me and the other guy in our group are gonna work on the presentation aspect, but we won't really start on that until Wednesday. So thanks for the lecture >.> but I'm not actually "letting my group down" or missing even a step with them, and they didn't care that I was gone. Actually, I don't think they even noticed. So shut the ******** up, okay?

Still, it's depressing, because I was so into this class in the beginning, and it could have been my favorite really easily, but ever since I got forced into my last choice of group projects it's just been awkward or a piss off.

Whatever, I guess the quarter is nearly over, so I'll live. And I am feeling better now that I KNOW I didn't miss anything with my group.

As for work, it was actually better the last time I went. I started off feeling annoyed and resentful as usual, but it shifted after the first hour or so and I didn't feel great about it but a little more upbeat, and I came home feeling like I'd actually sort of done something. Usually it all just feels like a big time waster and some dumb game I'm stuck playing until I can get into my real life. Which is terrible, because I'm a firm believer in enjoying every moment of life, because it's all the real thing. So hopefully that little shift will take root and I'll be able to enjoy the remaining 6-9 months. That would be nice.

And the last sort of mixed bag thing here, is that I borrowed a book (or maybe more like I was lent it, since she sort of just threw it at me and told me to read it), and so far it's really good. It's called "It's Kind of a Funny Story" by Ned Vizzini. Trouble is, part of the reason it's so good is that it really captures what it's like to have depression. Partly I guess it's just memories of the feelings, and probably there's a little of that empathy thing going on too (I tend to pick up other people's emotions and carry them around with me if I'm not careful), but basically it's got me torn between laughing and feeling great because someone finally really, honestly gets it and being depressed because it sort of takes me back into that state.

I've been medication free and depression free for more than a year and a half now, and it's great! But school and work stress bring out some minor shadows of that old self, and having another reminder and connection to that state might actually be risky. Still, I want to finish it and I need to get this book back to her by the end of the quarter, so I'll press on for the next couple weeks. Over all I think it's an awesome book. And maybe this will actually help me to readdress some of my old issues and make a more clean break from them. This is a really good time of year to do that too, as Halloween kind of marks the new year and starts a period of self reflection for me. I guess I'll find out. So for now I'll just try to enjoy the book and make the most of any memories or issues it might bring up.

And just to finish on a lighter note: it's supposed to start snowing here soon. They're predicting the first snow this weekend. I'm ready I think. I've been getting that 'it's winter' feeling for a couple weeks now, and snow sounds rather pleasant. But first, there's a couple errands we need to run this week before the car (which is not fit for winter driving) becomes an over-sized paper weight again razz