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Wow, it's been a while since I've wrote. Not that I haven't wanted to, I just don't get the time.

I think I'm pretty much over that guy I liked. Don't get me wrong, thinking about the whole situation still makes me sad and embarrassed, but at least I don't have that constant dull aching in the back of my chest anymore. I haven't had any dreams about him in a while either, so that's a really good sign.

A few weeks after this school year started, I got my yearbook. Naturally, my mom looked through it and saw that that guy I liked was voted "Class Grinch" in the mock elections. So she started asking about him, and why we stopped talking. I never even told her I like him, so she didn't know about what happened or how I felt, so I just said "I don't know." She then asked why he was voted "Class Grinch." I said that it was probably because he was just so unenthused about practically everything. She just chuckled and said "It kind of reminds me of you. Why didn't you two ever go out? From what you've told me, you two seemed to have a lot in common." My thoughts exactly. All I could say was another weak "I don't know." Wow, someone who wasn't there to observe first hand or know the whole situation could even see that we might have been good together. Why can't people see me? We had a lot in common, and I was right there in front of his face. But no, he only had eyes for someone else. I know I'm not very attractive, but why can't people look past that? It's just stupid. It makes me glad that he's graduated and I don't have to see him everyday at school. It's not that I don't want to see him, it just makes it hard on me. That's why I didn't make any attempt to talk to him last year. Grrrr.

I did have one more dream about him since that last time I wrote, but a while before the above happened. It wasn't the normal type of dream about him, it was more of an angry dream. It happened a while ago, so I don't really remember all of the details. I remember that the setting we were in didn't make sense. We were in a room with a giant pile of fruit. (I think) he asked me to help him with something. I got mad and basically told him that there was no reason I should help him because he broke my heart by not seeing how much I cared for him or returning my feelings, and then not even making an attempt to talk to me after I wasn't talking to him. I don't know if he replied, and I don't remember if there was any more to that dream. It felt good to "tell" him how I felt though. And I haven't had a dream about him since, so it kind of feels final.

Anyways, now that I've got that off my chest, hopefully this will be that last time I write about him.

For a little while, I was doing better with my depression. I wasn't really super happy, but it felt good to not have negative thoughts all the time. It turned out to be short lived though, no thanks to what I'm going to write about next...