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If this sounds a little weird, impersonal, or out of order, it's because I copy and pasted the basics of this story from when I typed it to someone else earlier. I'll add some extra details here though...

So, there is this guy, Jon, on the bus I ride that I like. The reason I even had anything to do with him in the first place is because my friend and I would act like jackasses and poke him in the a** with a pencil when he got off the bus (long story). One day I sat by him, so I could get a really good poke in, not just a hurried stab as he got off the bus. Well, when I sat by him and preceded to poke his a**, he full on stuck his hand down my pants and grabbed my a**. It was really shocking at first because I didn't even take things that far (or didn't have any plans to). Honestly, he was kinda creepy, but that intrigued me. So I started to sit by him more often, and he was kind of a creepy dirty whore. But that attracted me. I started sitting by him more often, sometimes to talk, sometimes to stab, and I started to like. Well, one day he was acting really bitchy towards me, so I asked him what was wrong. He said that he was pissed that I stabbed him in the a** and he didn't like it (could have fooled me). At that point, I really did like him, so I appologized. I still went and sat by him almost everyday, but it was just to talk to him.

Then one day a couple of weeks ago when I got on the bus at the school to go home, there were no empty seats and none of my friends were riding that night, so I sat by Jon. I talked to him a little bit, but then I was just sitting there looking out the window and he randomly grabbed my boob. He then stuck his hands down my pants. He stuck his hand down the back first and grabbed my a**, and then he stuck it down the front and fingered me. I'm not going to lie, I liked it, so I started to rub his boner. He wanted to make out, but I declined (though I really regreted it after) because I knew we would get caught and I would be in so much trouble if my mom found out about that. So, on the following Monday, I sat by him and he was fine. Then, on Tuesday, I sat by him again and he wouldn't talk to me and acted all bitchy again. I asked him if he was mad at me again for some reason, but he told me no. So I just thought whatever, maybe he's having a bad day. The next day, Wednesday, he was sitting behind my friend and I, and I went to move back a seat to sit by him, and he put his leg on the seat and said "No, don't sit by me." I was like "Seriously Jon, what the hell is your problem with me?! You are the most confusing person I have ever met. One day your fine, and the next you hate me. Seriously, what the hell is your problem?!" He was like "Seriously? Your a whore." WHAT THE ********??!!! First of all, he was the one who initiated all this s**t (besides the a** poking, of course)! If anyone's a whore, isn't he the better candidate?! Now, I'm not saying that that day on the bus wasn't slutty of me, but he started it, so he has no right to hate me because "I'm a whore." And he doesn't know enough about me personally to make any assumptions that I'm a whore or not anyways. Also, how the hell can he be fine one day and hate me the next?! Besides poking him in the a**, I have done nothing for him to even hate me! I even ******** appologized and stopped poking him in the a**. I wouldn't have done that for anybody else, because I wouldn't have gave a s**t. Besides, I thought we had moved past that because I haven't poked him in forever, and he was fine up until Tuesday of this week. Again, ********?!! After I got home, I thought of all this s**t I should have said to him. I don't really say that much to him though because I was in shock when he said that, and it really did hurt. Normally, if someone called me a whore I wouldn't care. I would laugh my a** off. But I was really starting to like him, so it really hurt.

The next day I talked to one of my friends, who happens to be friends with Jon too. I started by asking him if Jon had ever said anything to him along the lines of me being a whore. He was like "Yeah. One day this song came on and he said you would be perfect for this song." GGGGRRRRRRRRR!! I preceded to tell him what had happened and that I was actually hurt. He said that he was probably just joking, because that's the way he is. I know he's that way, but I told him I was pretty sure he was dead serious. After first hour, he said that he had talked to Jon and told him he should appologize, but Jon just kinda laughed and kept on walking. He said he wasn't sure what that ment, but to let him know what happened when I talked to Jon. I never see him during school, so the first chance I would have would be on the bus. When I got on the bus, I had no plans to talk to him. I figured he should talk to me, though I fully expected him not to. Well, I was right. He sat there in his seat, maybe listening to music, and I sat with my friend. He didn't say s**t to me. I figured he was probably serious, but I was hoping he would at least say something to me. I at least wanted to know why he thinks I'm a whore or what the hell I did wrong.

So, on Monday my friend asked me if I had talked to him yet or he had said anything to me yet, which I of course answered no to. He was like "Wow, I wonder what you did to piss him off that much." I had pretty much gotten over it on the weekend, but that kinda pissed me off again. I pissed him off?! But then I started thinking about it too much again (as I normally do about things), and I wondered if I really did piss him off, because it's not a hard thing to do. If it really was my fault, then I probably would have felt bad if I didn't appologize. So, Tuesday night on the bus I broke down and went and talked to him (even though I know I damn well shouldn't have). Here is basically our little conversation...

Me: So, Jon, why am I a whore?
Jon: Your not.
Me: Why the hell are you pissed at me then?
Jon: I'm not.
Me: Why the hell did you act like a a*****e last week and call me a whore?!
Jon: I don't remember. Maybe I was mad because there was no snow, and I like snow. (I think he was just ******** with me with that response though, because he was smirking.)
Me: Well, you don't have to take it out on me.
Jon: I didn't mean to.
Me: Your ******** up...

There was some more to the conversation, but that's really the only part that's relevant to the situation. Ok..."I didn't mean to"...Seriously?! He acts like an a*****e the day before, and then sits there and calls me a whore to my face (and I still swear he was serious), and then he tells me he's not pissed or he didn't mean to take anything out on me?! stressed I keep saying this, but WHAT THE ********?! What kind of person acts like that?! I mean, really, come on. And it pissed me off too that even if he wasn't mad at me, he knew I was mad at him, so if he didn't mean it, he should have appologized or at least said something to me. I really don't know how to take him. I wonder if that's just the way he is and he acts like that towards everyone, or just me. I kinda feel like the ******** up one, because I don't even know why I bother.

After our conversation, he was fine for about then next two or three days. Then he started to act bitchy again. I thought I might just be paranoid, and it might be my imagination, but I could feel something was coming again. The next day he pulled the same s**t-putting his leg on the seat so I couldn't sit by him. I asked him why he played these stupid little games, and he just chuckled. Just ******** chuckled. I have no clue what that is supposed to mean. I can't even begin to analyze him. Even though at this point I wouldn't have anyways, he made it very clear that he does not want to sit by me, so I'm not going to.

This whole situation is just stupid, confusing, and frustrating. What the hell is his problem?! Luckily, I didn't like him as much as the last guy, so I don't have that degree of saddness, but I'm still bummed about it. Once again, we had a lot in common, and for obvious reasons, I thought he liked me back for once. One day I asked him about one of his school projects, which happened to be about his ideal thing to do on a date. He said that his ideal date would be to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was like OMG! That's my ideal date too! So then we got talking about how he has seen it in a theater, and I told him about how I seen a version of the play. A guy whose ideal date is going to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show...that's attractive like no other! I think that was one of the things that started to make me like him. But still, how can he not think the same things towards me? How can he not find that as attractive as I did? Come the ******** on people. It's so disappointing. I just feel stupid. I feel like I'm the bottom of the barrel. Not even your normal "undesirables" would want me. It's not like he's a super handsome guy who can have anybody he wanted, but I looked past that and saw the good things, the things we had in common. But he still didn't want me. Once again, I was right there, and he couldn't see me or look past whatever the hell his hang-up was.

I just need to stop liking people. A lot of my problems wouldn't start if I didn't. Though, in this case, it's really not like I planned on becoming attracted to Jon. Life is so much simpler when I don't like people like that. I don't have to worry about what they think, when or how I'm going to get my heart broken when I find out they don't like me, and I don't have to worry about how I act or what I say around them so I don't come off like an a**. This is my New Year's resolution, effective immediatly...don't become attracted to anyone. Well, their personality of course. If you think someone's cute, that's one thing, but to actually start to like them for their personality is another. I'm trying to simplify my life and cut back on the heartbreak. Hopfully I can have a better 2009. But, I've been wishing that for the past couple of years.

Hopfully the next thing I write about will be a happier subject.

Edit 12/31/08
There was another time, a few months ago, when I thought he might have actually liked me. This was when I was just starting to like him. Anyways, I was sitting by him, having a decent conversation, and all of a sudden he says something like "Hold still, you have a hair caught on your lip." He then proceeds to reach over and gingerly touched my cheek, moving the hair. Ok, is it just me, or isn't that a well-known come on, of sorts?! It was like a scene right out of Grey's Anatomy. You know that episode before Cali and Dr. Hahn (yeah, those spellings are probably wrong) got together, and they're in the bar and Dr. Hahn's like "Oh, you have a hair stuck in your lip gloss right there," and then removes it, and you can just feel the sexual tension? That's exactly what it felt like. So I don't know if he ever did like me, or if he was just ******** around with me. Either way, I think that was another thing that got me into him more. He just flustered me, which in a retarded way attracted me more. There was also this time, before I liked him, that he told me his mom thought my blue hair was cool. She had seen me the previous night at an academic awards ceremony. This doesn't really have anything to do with my attraction for him or what he did, but it just shows that at least his mom was cool. *sigh* I keep remembering little tid-bits like this, and it just keeps pissing me off because I had such high hopes and was let down so abruptly again. It feels good to write about it though, like it's somehow relieving some pressure. Yeah, so just another stupid thought.