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I just learned that the reason why the person I care about most hates me is all my fault. I can't describe how I'm feeling right now. My ex hates me completely, and will never speak to me again for it. Goodness knows I probably deserve her scorn, because I gave her my word on certain things, and by whatever accidents at fault, I broke that promise. I didn't believe it myself until I combed my records thoroughly, but she was right. It wasn't word-for-word, but I definitely let slip more than I'd have allowed under the right mind.

I cried a lot when she told me to never speak to her again, and it hurts immensely that I would be responsible for such a thing in the first place. I want to honor her wishes, because she deserves that much at the very least. I don't care whether anything anyone has said about her is true at this point, she didn't deserve what had happened, and I'd have neither wished for it, nor would have been capable of crossing that line intentionally. I can't live with myself knowing that I've broken a promise like that, I thought I was a better person than that. I feel like scum.

I don't expect that she'll ever forgive me now, and by rights she shouldn't have to. I've wronged her, and I suppose I deserve this horrible feeling. I've betrayed my most dearest... cry

P.S. My arrow fish died this morning. He was very old, and it was also pretty sad.