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May 15, 2008

Dear Journal,

So I'm finally graduating now what? Its weird huh. After 4 years I finally am getting my Associates Degree. I've been in school since I was 6. Oddly enough after I got to college I started to like school. I wish they had internet classes when I was in high school especially for the boring classes. Maybe I just like the freedom of a schedule of my choosing you know. Now I'm just going to be a robot. Work, Sleep hang out with friends once or twice a week and the cycle continues. Dating ha ha ha very funny ? If the guy I asked to date me does anything then thats fine if he doesn't then whatever. Can't wait to figure out Halo then I'll know what the hell I'm doing.

I've go to make some kind of portfolio to show off my work so I figure maybe a few pictures in each thing. I got one from the internship too of the cupcake things I helped them with.

I guess you could say I'm looking forward to it. I can still experiment at home with new recipes. I can't always put things in from of my families face and be like here. All else fails my coworkers and friends can be my taste testers.

When I got done the internship I know that I'm not going to ask for a recommendation. I worked my a** off but I did the wrong things too. I got into the complaining thing. The employees are like 18 and up so yah its easy for me to relate. I did b***h about the employer there and elsewhere. He gave me the internship so I have no right to be a b***h. Its still on my resume like my teacher said. Now I have to move on and learn from my mistakes. No ones perfect. If someone expects you to be perfect they have another thing coming because they have no room to speak.

If I want a recommendation from where I work at now I need to care and do better. I need to be able to pull my own weight and not freak out when something scary comes my way. I usually freak out when they say hey we need a cake. Gulp ...confidence in the floor. I hate when people thank you even though you don't deserve it. It gets mind numbing and your ego goes through the roof. I'm going to stay where I'm at for now to prove myself. The fun will be in July when both bakers are gone and its just little old me and a baker and hopefully they give us a good assistant. I pray for that. Just the idea freaks me out how much chaos there could be. I'm just tired of telling me you missed this and that (which I'm not surprised). I shouldn't be pushing there buttons. They have been nothing but kind to me. I'm lucky to be working with all nice, hardworking people who don't go telling gossip about each other (like other departments). I don't want to be moved around like a Janice (bitchy manager who's worked for the company for 20 some years and is stubborn and thinks because she has all those years she can do no wrong). I should have been fired by now. I don't have a ego problem its a matter of motivation. I just don't care sometimes. People tell you one thing then they do the thing that they told you not to do. I guess I can't be trusted touching that stuff or something. I would like to be trusted. I go to other places and they like me. Once they get to know me they find out the real me. The one who doesn't care because they feel they could be doing so much more than working in a grocery store. horay for the vicious circle. I just have to be the bigger person.


Hachi_ateyou