Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Aug 10th, 2018

So, my ex asked me to tell him when I told Mike how I feel. I did.
He asked me if we could talk tonight. I agreed.

I told my ex that I told Mike that we had broken up, that Mike said he has feelings for me too, but that he wanted time to think things over because he didn't want to mess anything up with his relationship with my ex. Mike describes him as "one of his truest friends."
Well, my ex asked another favour of me, acknowledging that I owe him nothing: He asked me to tell him what Mike decides because then he'd have a decision to make. We've been a group for 5 years, close friends gaming together every week, forming bonds and ties and I have come to view these men as my family. My biggest fear in breaking up with him and talking to Mike was that I was going to cause the group to collapse and now it seems as though my fears are being realized.
My ex told me today that if Mike and I get together, that he would probably leave. He wouldn't be able to stand to be around the two of us together. This is why Mike wanted time to consider, because he didn't want to ******** things up with his friends, but my ex told me when we broke up that he just wanted me to be happy. This would make me happy. He said that we could still be friends, that we could still game together, but now he says we may not. I understand self-preservation but the reason I decided to tell Mike now was because I was under the impression that we were gonna be okay.
I can't ask Mike to give up his relationship with my ex, not for me. But I can't talk to him because he's still somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean and won't be back for 20 odd days. I don't even know what he'll decide but he told me he has feelings for me and now I'm stuck in the situation of telling him that we can't be together - even though I brought it up - because I can't ask him to put an end to his friendship with my ex. I can't. I care about him to much to put him through that. But again, I can't have this conversation with him because I can't get a hold of him.

Is this why people say you can't be friends with your ex? Because no matter what one of them is going to make happiness difficult/impossible for the other? I don't accept that, I don't want to accept that! But maybe I won't have a choice. I know now that there is a very real chance that if Mike and I decide to see if this could grow into something meaningful we could lose a very close friend.