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Aug 10th, 2018 (Cont,)

When Mike gets home, I have to tell him. I want this so badly, I want to see if we could have something together, if we could grow together, but I'm not going to make him choose between me and my ex.
I say this knowing that if he decides he wants to see what we could be. telling him I don't want him to give up his relationship with my ex for me is going to be one of the hardest things I'll ever have had to do. But I also know that if I don't, I won't be able to live with myself.

I've never been in a healthy relationship. My ex was my first boyfriend and he was very good at manipulating and controlling. Lying to him when I was hanging out with my male friends (exclusively, none of my girlfriends present) was easier than telling him some of them were there because it would always cause a fight. He said it was akin to an open invitation to being assaulted. He knew I'd been sexually assaulted by someone who was supposed to have been my friend so he played that card a lot when I did mention I was with my guy friends. He was rude and disrespectful and my closest friend and soulmate pointed out on more than one occasion I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I didn't seen it till roughly 4 years later.

Mike is an amazing individual. He's driven and motivated, hardworking and compassionate but he's also so much more than just his accomplishments. He graduated law school which I'm so proud of him for but through all the work he put in to his degree (which he earned with distinction) he stayed fun loving and light-hearted. He's into musicals, he's a musician, he's creative, intelligent and intellectual, soft spoken and literate, and most amazingly to me is he's humble and gentle. I don't believe there's a conceited bone in his body. He truly is a very gentle soul.
I want so much to have the opportunity to see if what we feel for each other (because he's told me he has feelings for me too) could grow into something beautiful. But I'm not willing to make him chose between me and someone he describes as "one of his truest friends", I'm just not...