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Sept. 23rd, 2019

I'm noticing a pattern where every time something is wrong, I gravitate back here. I think it's because I know so many of my old friends have moved on from this platform and none of my real world friends or family know me here. It's a safe place where I can vent my frustrations openly without fear of someone I know catching wind.

Moving on, this week has been awful and me getting sick was the absolute best part. Long story short, Thursday my throat hurt, Friday I had a cold, the weekend was spend with my face leaking many fluids, no appetite, lungs attempting to expel themselves from my chest cavity, sore chest from coughing, lack of sleep because of coughing, and a headache from coughing. I worked all weekend. Monday (today) I was off, starting to feel better, work wants me in early tomorrow. I may call in sick, we'll see.

No, this week started with a punch to the gut. Mike has a girlfriend.

No, she's not me. Though I wish she was. I guess he's moved on. Forget the fact that in our previous conversations about us we talked about "down the road" and when my ex has gotten over his s**t, no no, he's moved on. I'm devastated. But the worst part?
Just when you thought it couldn't get worse right. What's worse than heartache? What's worse than feeling like you were led on? What's worse than needing to pretend that everything is fine and normal because you don't want to lose your mutual friends in an argument/emotional upset?

My ex was the reason we couldn't get together.

I have confirmation of this. This is now a fact, not a theory. My ex, a friend of Mike's, was the reason that Mike said we couldn't change our relationship. He told me so himself.

I haven't spoken to my ex since (aside from our gaming nights but that's a little different, we're in a group, it's not one on one and I don't really have to talk to him much). I've just ghosted all his texts and dropped off the face of the planet. One week later he's starting to think that maybe I'm not talking to him, good for him catching on, but I know this is an immature way of dealing with things. I have to talk to him. If I want to preserve the friendships I have and keep them as drama free as I can, I have to talk to him.

But I really don't want to.