Aug 9th, 2018
Over the past 2 months I've been adjusting to my new life being single. It's been kinda nice actually, especially since I'm able to see more when friends are controlling and irritating than a boyfriend so I've been finding more reasons to be happy I finally broke it off. But as much as I'm enjoying being single, I'm also kind of not. I still have such strong feelings for Mike and he's going away to the UK. Now, he's on his way now as in he boarded the plane three hours ago.
So, knowing ahead of time that he would be leaving I decided to pull a "chick flick" cliche. I could not show up at the airport (we live in different countries plus I was at work) so I did the next best thing: I told him over Skype at 3 this morning when we finished gaming.
I thought I was gonna be sick (I had the message typed, my finger hovered over Enter and I was shaking so bad I hit it accidentally). I told him I have feelings for him, that I wondered if he reciprocated them, and also told him there was no pressure because the only expectation I had was that we'd stay friends. He said "Truth be told, I've had similar feelings for you" and I almost started crying. But he continued to say he didn't want those feelings to get in the way of our relationships with the others (my ex included) and for it to ruin our relationships with my ex.
At this point I realized I should have first told him we broke up.
I remedied my mistake. I told him that I didn't want that either but added that my ex and I had been broken up for a while now. That we didn't say anything to anyone because we wanted to sort through our own s**t without involving them. He understood of course, he's an understanding man, it's one of the reasons I like him so much. He said it was a happy surprise to experience but he wanted some time to think about everything.
Let this be a lesson to anyone who is impatient to a fault and can't handle cliff hangers: THIS IS WHY MOVIE CLICHES SUCK. The scene at the airport where one person says "Don't get on that plane!" and follows it up with "I love you" and the person gets on the plane for a long a** trip leaving person a standing at the airport wondering what's gonna happen next, when you live that, it's hell. I was giddy as ******** all day and then my ex (I told him I told Mike how I feel, it was a favour he asked of me when we broke up) said he wants to discuss it so I'm getting anxious, and then I started feeling anxious about what Mike is going to say when he gets back, and how I'm going to feel if he decides not to try and I know I'm being overly dramatic and anxious and these are worst case scenarios but my brain won't stop. These next two weeks are going to be very long. And in that time, I have to not let myself get my hopes up.
Girl_in_love61636 Community Member 
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