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i've been listening to this song. cj recommended this anime to me. i cried a bit. i listened to this song and read the lyrics. i cried. oh jeezus. i cry way too much. last night i had this dream. we were celebrating my birthday. it was the typical asian party, plus Him and random people from school. and then there was this 14 year old. she was pritty darn pretty. gah. apparently she was coulter's older sister. i was going around my house and yard talking to everyone, losing track of Him, where He was. I wanted him by my side, so i went searching for Him. i went to the garage and He was talking to her and maybe like, 2 or 3 other people. i said something like, okay!! c'mon! with a smile on my face and i dragged Him away by his arm. He stopped and i turned. i want to talk to her! quit following me! He said. the weird part was He said it with the smile that i love so much. but He was ditching me for someone else. He turned and went back to the girl and i just stood there. then i just ran to my shed sat in there and cried. i could feel myself yelling and screaming, it hurt so much. i woke up, i felt like i'd been crying forever. i felt my face for tears but there were none. so it was just a dream. i still sigh in relief.
i've been having those kind of dreams lately. He's always had those kinds of dreams though. even when He was still here, before He had even left. I guess that means He does love me more than I love Him. or that He worries even more. My insides hurt. I love Him more than anyone else could. And I worry my head off about Him. Every moment, every second of the day He's always on my mind, mixed in with "what if...?"
I guess all the dreams we have shows how much we love each other? i dunno. i just want to hold Him again.