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I've been made aware of the problems I have for more than a year now. I've had a few good moments so far, but most of them have been short-lived and merely awaited the next downfall. Through basic and technical training, I've realized how I don't fit in as well as others do in the United States Air Force, especially as a Finance Technician.

I know when people get frustrated with me when I do things wrong when I know (or think?) they would do right if they were in my situation.

I can tell when they don't like me, even if they don't say anything. Their body language, the tone in their voice: it seems as if they glow with some impatience.

Even now, when I should know what I'm doing, I'm making these mistakes.

Is it bad for me to make mistakes? Or is it bad for me to not know how to react to them?

Either way, I feel uncertain. Once I find out I make a mistake, and the mistake is something that usually affects someone else's pay, my mind starts whirling into despair.

Maybe the only thing I really need to learn is not to stop making mistakes, but to learn how to recover from those mistakes. The problem, then, lies not in my learned knowledge but my own drive.

How does the average hero save the day? They don't save the day primarily by their strength of body or mind, but by their strength of heart. If they did not have motivation to continue on despite their abilities, they have already lost the first battle.

It seems that, to be truly happy in any military organization, you have to learn how to be braver than you want to be, because all your skill and prowess is for naught if your spirit fails you.

My main focus should not be to have a strong body or a smart mind, but a dedicated spirit. With this, and nothing else, I will truly excel, until I can stand up against a giant with naught but a sling and some stones.