I was utterly doomed when I first laid my eyes on him. I didn’t know it yet because I was so naive then, so innocent that I didn’t know what was happening to me. It would be years later that I would finally figure out and understand that this man was the first one to turn my world upside down. I don’t know when it started but the feeling I got from him when I saw him sitting there waiting patiently for everybody to get quite, I just knew. I knew he was different. He just felt different. From the color of his soft red-auburn hair to his light almost reddish hazel eyes to his sun-kissed skin and even his baritone voice, they all captured my total attention and raked shivers across my body. It didn’t help when he would stand close to me I would smell his manly musk that was mixed with a gentle fragrance of cologne. It was heavenly. When he would stand there leaning over me I would unconsciously breathe it in loving the fragrance. And when he would leave I would let go of that breath, noticing that I had forgotten how to breathe. Each and every time it was the same, I had to re-teach myself to breathe. My pulse would automatically quicken when I saw him. My face undoubtedly red when we made eye contact and I could feel my face burn even hotter when I saw him give me that small sly smile that only he could give me and make me feel this way. I also noticed my behavior was always weird when it came to his presence. Later, when he was gone I would scold myself for my stupid actions that always made him chuckle. Gawd! That chuckle so deep with his baritone voice just made me melt and blush even more. I was doomed. Totally doomed to fall head over heels for this man, I just didn’t know it yet. My eyes would watch him. I looked forward to each and every day, wanting to see him. He made me feel different. It was like he saw me and only me, like he saw the real me through the crowd. Like always I denied liking the guy, I’m stubborn like that but later through the years I admitted my feelings to myself and allowed my dormant heart to breathe as I let life in. He became my first true crush even though I was at the young age of 13 or 14. *laughs* No man or boy had awakened my heart like he did. He brought color into my world and made me see that I was capable of being happy for once. *smiles* It is funny that I met this man even after all these years 2 nights ago when I was eating out with my family…it was so strange. The only reason I say that is because when I got home and learned that we were going out to eat I knew, something just told me that this night was going to be special…a voice told me that I was going to meet some one special. When I arrived there and walked through the door I knew something felt different. Like time stopped or something. I didn’t know it was him as I sat down waiting for both a table and my family. The restaurant was crowed as I sat there listening to my MP3 player but as I looked over I over to him I felt something funny, I felt strange. The feeling was so familiar, so deafening to my hearing. I didn’t hear anything. I just saw him. This hair, his eyes, and the way he sat. Then something clicked, he looked familiar. Like a guy that I once knew. Then the image of my past crush hit my vision and I knew. I knew it was him. My eyes widened in realization as my heart quicken a bit. I stared at him and for some strange feeling I knew that he knew I was watching him. It was as if he was smiling at me but he never turned his head my way as I stole glances at him. Even though he never looked at me I felt as if he knew I was looking at him. I smiled inwardly, knowing that he understood and that same feeling swept over me. *smiles* it was good to see him again, to know he was doing okay. I’m still in love with him and I laugh now knowing that he knows it too. *smiles again* I never told him that I liked him but when we looked at one another I just knew that he knew exactly how I felt about him. He was my first love. And he still knows how to make me blush. ^^ *laughs* I will never forget you. How can I when you burned your image into my mind, body, heart, and soul all those years ago. I love you stockjivic and you know it! *laughs happily* I still know and I still remember everything. ^^
They say first loves never die…they just burn brighter over the years.
Thanks for the memories…john~
-Andi
Andi_lover Community Member 
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