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PDJN
SO ME AND PAUL HAVE BEEN HAVEING A ROUGH TIME LATLY... WELL... I HAVE. I DONT KNOW ABOUT HIM. HE HASNT BEEN SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH ME, AND WE TALK ON THE PHONE, BUT HE IS ALWAYS SAYING SORRY FOR LIEING TO ME, OR NOT BEING THERE... SOMETHING IS ALWAYS WRONG. AND TODAY HE JUST MADE ME MAD AND I WENT OFF CUZ HE WROTE A NAME ON ME THAT I DIDNT LIKE... ITS A DEMENING NAME FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR. AND I DONT LET HIM SAY THAT TO ME, AND WE HAVE HAD TALKS ABOUT HOW I DONT LIKE THAT WORD... SO WHAT WOULD MAKE HIM THINK ITS OK TO WRITE THAT ON ME? NOTHING? I REST MY CASE.... ANYWAY... MY SISTER TALKED TO HIM 6TH PERIOD... AND SHE TOLD HIM THAT HE IS SELFISH, I HAVE BEEN TELLING HIM THAT, BUT I DONT WANT TO PUSH IT, CUZ HE DOES GET EMO WHEN CONFRONTED ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT. THATS A NOTHER SELFISH THING... AND SO I TOLD HIM AS LUNCH WAS ENDING THAT HE IS EITHER GOING TO BE WITH ME, OR BE EMO... AND I DONT NEED THAT. AFTER SCHOOL HE SAID THAT HE LOVES ME, AND ONCE AGAIN HE IS SORRY... HE NEEDS TO GET THAT WORD OUT OF HIS VOCABULARY... HE ISNT REALLY SORRY. HE WONULDNT HAVE DONE IT IF HE WAS GOING TO BE TRULY SORRY ABOUT IT. HE IS IN 11TH GRADE... HE HAD TO HAVE PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO THINGS ALONG THE WAY... SO ITS NOT LIKE HE CANT THINK BEFORE HE ACTS... BUT FOR SOME REASON HE JUST DOESNT. AND THAT WAS REALLY GETTING TO ME. BUT NOW IM BETTER. I NEEDED TO HEAR HIM UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS SELFISH, I DONT THINK HE REALLY GETS IT YET... MAYBE SOME DAY SOON HE WILL. AND THEN WE CAN MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME. I DO LOVE HIM... AND I SAID SOME MEAN THINGS ABOUT HIM WHEN I WAS MAD... AND I WANA TAKE IT ALL BACK. I DIDNT SAY THEM TO HIM, I SAID THEM TO MYSELF.... BUT STILL... I FEEL BAD THAT I SAID IT. HE IS MY EVERYTHING, AND HE HAS BEEN WITH ME FOR A LONG TIME, AND HE KNOWS HOW TO TREAT ME... WELL HE USED TO KNOW HOW TO TREAT ME. EVERYTHING FELT SO GOOD THEN. WE HAD EVERYTHING... HAPPYNESS, LOVE, TRUST... EVERYTHING. BUT THEN THINGS STARTED TO BE ABOUT HIM, AND WE KINDA STARTED TO DRIFT. HE STARTED TO DO OTHER THINGS, AND U KNOW WHAT GETS ME ABOUT THAT. I SIT HERE ALL DAY, AND I W8 FOR HIM. I DONT DO THINGS SO I CAN BE HERE WHEN HE CALLS. SO I CAN TALK TO HIM, AND MAYBE GET TO SEE HIM. AND THAT IS KILLING MY SOCIAL LIFE. I HAVE LESS FRIENDS, WHEN IS SHOULD BE MAKEING MORE, ALL CUZ I WANT TO STAY HERE AND W8 FOR A CALL... OR SOMETHING... ANYTHING FROM HIM. BUT I KNOW HES WORTH IT. SO ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. I JUST CAME TO UNDERSTAND IT TODAY THOUGH. I DONT THINK HE GETS WHAT I DO FOR HIM, OR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO FOR HIM. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT LOVE HIM, AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I AM ONE OF THEM heart
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