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BEAT DOWN
SO PAUL ISNT THE MOST SANE PERSON I KNOW, BUT HE IS THE BEST ONE FOR ME.... I WAS OVER @ HIS HOUSE ON FRIDAY NIGHT, AND WE WERE HAVEING A GOOD TIME. WE DID OUR ALONE TIME THING.... U KNOW... THAT COUPLES DO... AND THEN WE WERE KINDA MESSING AROUND. IN ALL OF IT I WAS PLAYING AND I MENT TO HIT HIS INNER THIGH, BUT I HIT HIM IN NO MANS LAND, AND THATS WHAT STARTED IT ALL. HE HAS THESE VOICES I GUESS YOU WOULD SAY. AND THEY HAVE NAMES. THERE ARE DIFFERENT ONES THAT DO DIFFERENT THINGS AND HAVE DIFFERENT REASONS FOR BEING THERE. SOME ARE FULED BY ANGER. SOME JUST... I DONT KNOW. THE BEST WAY TO EXPLAIN IT IS A RAW CASE OF SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER. ONLY IM NOT SURE HOW MUCH OF IT IS REALLY A DISORDER. CUZ WHEN I AM IN REAL DANGER HE CAN SNAP OUT OF IT PRETTY FAST. ANYWAY... LAST NIGHT A NEW PERSONALTY APPEARED. AND THIS ONE IS VIOLENT. WE WERE KINDA WRESTELING. AND THEN IT JUST GOT VILOENT. PAUL IS ABOUT 100 POUNDS MORE THAN ME. AND HE USED IT. MY LEFT SIDE IS TRASHED, AND IM HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING COVER UP THAT WILL TOTALY COVER MY BRUSES. I TOLD MY MOM THAT I WAS KINDA THE DUMMY IN A MARTIAL ARTS TEST @ SKOOL. SINCE I TAKE MARTIAL ARTS THAT IS UNDERSTANDABLE. AND THERE IS NO REASON TO QUESTION IT. BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT I WILL SAY WHEN I AM @ SKOOL. I CAN WEAR LONG SLEVES UNTIL I GET TO MARTIAL ARTS, THEN I HAVE TO WEAR THE SHORT SLEVE UNIFORM. AND THEY KNOW I WASNT HURT DURING THE TEST. AND I CANT SAY I HURT MYSELF, BY RUNNING INTO A WALL OR SOMETHING CUZ IM MUCH MORE COORDINATED. OH, AND THE BRUISES ARE FIST SIZED. THERE ARE SOME ON MY COLAR BONE AREA, AND THERE IS ONE OR TWO ON MY LEFT ARM. I ALSO GOT A HIT TO THE STOMACH, BUT THANK GOD FOR ROCK HARD ABS blaugh . MY NECK WAS BLEEDING A LITTLE, BUT MY HAIR SHOULD COVER THAT ONE UP. I DONT KNOW IF THIS COUNTS AS ABUSE OR NOT. CUZ HE SAYS IT WASNT HIM, BUT IT WAS HIS HAND THAT ATTACKED ME. I LOVE HIM TO DEATH, AND I DONT WANT THIS TO GET IN OUR WAY. AND ITS OK IF HE WANTS TO HURT ME... I GUESS.... ITS NOT LYK HE WOULD BE THE FIRST BOY... BUT I KINDA THOUGH HE WAS DIFFERNT.... OR MAYBE HE THOUGHT THAT I WASNT REALLY IN PAIN. SEE... IN SITUATIONS THAT ARE REALLY BAD... OR THAT I SHOULD CRY I TEND TO LAUGH, I DONT KNOW Y... AND PEOPLE THING I AM REALLY COLD FOR DOING IT. BUT I REALLY CANT HELP IT. ITS A NERVOUS THING. A LAUGH IS A COMFORTABLE PLACE FOR ME.... AND I WAS LAUGHING WHEN HE WAS..... I HOPE I CAN FIND SOMETHING TO COVER UP THESE MARKS. MY DAD HAS DONE THE SAME KINDA THING TO ME... NOT AS BAD THOUGH. BUT BOTH MY DAD AND PAUL THINK THAT IM TOUGH... BUT IM NOT TOUGH @ ALL..... I CRYED. AND I HURT. AND THIS HURTS SO BAD THAT I DONT WANT TO WEAR A SHIRT. OR ANYTHING ON MY LEFT SIDE. BUT ITS COLD. AND I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO HAVE QUESTIONS, CUZ ITS HARD TO LIE, AND ITS HARD TO FIND A GOOD STORY AND STAY WITH IT. I STILL LOVE HIM. NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES.
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