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I seem to have happened upon a blue gift box when I came back to write an entry. Given my curious nature, I couldn't sit still with a "ticking" box at my disposal, so I promptly opened it. What I received were a pair of bouncy antennae that seem to suit my personality just well. I have them currently equipped over the anvil I purchased recently, because they're newer and have that virtual out-of-the-box smell. I haven't been a part of Gaia for very long, so this is a fairly new experience for me here. Looking back on it, I may have had more enjoyment passing the box along to a friend, who may very well have had better luck with the, what I understand it to be, randomized object inside of it. I wonder what exactly caused the box to come to me, or if it was merely a matter of increased chance from accumulating page loads. Whatever the case, I suppose I should just say "yay" at the fact that I've got an item, despite the fact that I don't really find the greatest pleasure in dressing my custom avatar outside of gag outfits (a la Gaian Abominations).

As for what I've done for most of the day, I can only say that the pain in my ankles has limited my repertoire of amusing activities to that of reading and viewing Youtube. Considering the latter, I'd much rather not be bed ridden, however given the fact that I spent much time reading, I do believe my day wasn't a total loss. The differences between the novel and movie versions of Vampire Hunter D make me glad I'd seen the movie prior to the translation of the novels, because there is far much more in the book than the film ever touched on. I've almost finished with the book despite rationing pages until I've got the money to buy the second one, but I'm sure I'll be able to wait to connect what happens to the Protagonist after I finish this story. Unfortunately, reading was as exciting of a day I was able to have.

My joints haven't shown much help to getting better, and I'm under constant duress to keep myself energized enough to be active. When I get cold, the pain returns in great force until I warm up my joints, and then I'm almost myself until I twist my ankle and come crashing back to the heap of old bones I've recognized myself to be now. I wonder if I'll ever get better, or if I truly will die prematurely from degeneration. Despite my recent loss of friends and intimate companionship, I've been doing my best to stay positive and distract myself from these horrifying thoughts. To my credit, my favorite friend Elizabeth hasn't once had to deal with my worries once, which I'd like to keep it that way; she's returned to my life as someone who inspires me and brings me cheer, and if I give her sad news like this it would cause her worry too no doubt. I wouldn't risk not seeing her happy because she keeps me from going insane like her predecessor had, the lover that stopped wanting anything to do with me all of a sudden.

When I said "predecessor," I hadn't meant that Elizabeth and I are of the romantic nature. We're still very much friends. That's not to say that I don't harbor strong romantic feelings for her; I've known her a long time, and there was even a an expanse of that time where I was madly in love with her despite my unwillingness to "tame that wild horse" within her. It'd had occurred to me to ask her out on a date the moment she's back in town from her internship, but the stresses that I've been under just makes that a distant fantasy, because I just can't get that feeling anymore. To be frank, I can't get any feeling anymore from girls. I am again completely asexual to my grief about it. It's nothing new to me, I was born this way like anyone happens to be born straight or gay. I just resent it sometimes because I get lonely just like everyone else. So now it seems that my body is tired of trying to connect with girls like that, and so it quits on me so the only way I'm going to be with a girl is if I'd force myself to do so, and I don't want that. So I'm stuck with feelings for my friend, but no actual initiative or desire to go after them, which is probably for the best anyway. If I'd have gone to her because of pain someone else had bestowed upon me, it'd only end in hurt anyway. The last time I gave up on girls like this it last ed a few years, and I decided to have faith enough to try again. Time will tell on that one, but I'm sure my friend will either start dating or remain her lovably celibate self forever. razz

I suppose while my upper body holds out, I should maintain that bit of me. So I'll go do that.