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life sucks. incredibly. the world has fallen yet again and i have my evidence that nobody really does care. those who say they do have proven yet again im not important enough to the world. so heres to the count down. twenty four hours. things are shitty and getting worse and nobody is helping. those who used to are losing their effect, or more commonly arent bothering anymore. its more and more obvious ive been right all along and its not important if i live or die, if im happy or not, if im hurting or well, i dont matter to anyone. all their promises and love is a lie, all their caring is a fake. but i suppose thats to be expected. they're only human. and who can complain when you can provide yourself no better? so start the clock. i want it all to be over. im tired of being hurt and scared and disappointed. im tired of being told things only to have people turn around and prove they dont mean anything they've said. im tired of waking up with tears on my pillow ready to scream to the darkness in fear of something i cant remember in my twisted sleep conjurings and even more for the only one to come running to my aid the tamer nightmares i hallucinate into my world. im exhausted and sick over something i cant identify. and to top it off, im alone. so alone it hurts...the silence is so loud its nearly unbearable. the same silence ive been met by so many times. so we're counting down. counting to the breaking point. twenty four hour spiral and it wont matter. nobody will care if things continue as they have that long...one day left. until the end. until i can say goodbye. until i can finally get away from all this. a final farewell. before a final complete peace. twenty four hours to wait. to let it pass or let it come. counting down. until tomarrow. one day. maybe my time will be up by then. sweet sleep. sweet sacrifice. a last surrender. i wait for the end. the merciful end. the clock is ticking...a time bomb...i wonder if anyone will stop it? clip the wire. its happened. i dont think i want them to this time. i dont want another go around. i dont want to do this over only for it to come back worse. tears fall down and the clock counts down. one more day. one more day til the end. theendtheendtheendtheend. im just waiting for the final nudge. to go off the edge. to fall too far to pick myself back up again. no, i dont want to do that again. the fall is just farther next time. im tired of falling. over and over. no im done with that. the last fall. im just waiting now...but i dont have long left to wait. theres not much time for me to be pulled back. no. im not falling again. one day to pull me back. or else i jump. i wont be getting back up again.
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