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i believe i have lost all reason to live. i know in my mind i hear her telling me that i can now live for her, but i feel this drilling in my heart, letting out all reasons i have to care. i want to live, but i can't. i want to say that i care about something, but what i there to care for? i have been gripped by my insanity, it won't let me go. it forces me to choose the things in life i try my best to avoid. i want to say i love you to the oness that i do care about, but everyone, even my friends and family seem so far away, they cannot even help me. what was once my motiation for living, is now my reason to die to sever what bonds are valuable to me and to float adrift on an endless sea of sadness and despair, to drown in my own hate and fury. i can't keep pretending that i don't feel this way, but i mustmask this feeling, to the best of my ability, for fear of hurting everyone that means most to me.


BUT WHAT CAN I ******** DO? I AM A PAWN, IN THIS UNIVERSAL GAME OF CHESS!