Sometimes, the ones who make the complaints are innocent of making them.
It has come to my attention that one of the instructors/facilitators at my "work" is going a bit mental. In her attempt to make everything and everyone perfect, she is driving everyone against eachother and a bit... Instead of encouraging people to confront the person they have a problem with, she takes that person aside and blows the complaint out of preportion. She adds her own flare to them to emphasize, and makes it sound like the complainer said exactly that.
Today, I was frustrated about noise happening in the classroom. I had asked for htem to be quiet and it was not working. Instead of getting really bad, I removed myself and relaxed while I completed some work. Then I returned. Later, she pulled me aside and got me to admit what had happened. She proceeded to tell me that I was getting attitude because I was constantly late. Which I am not...
The others felt I had no right to tell them to be quiet, what to do, or even say anything because I had no right to even BE there, is what she basically told me. I heard terms such as "Princess" when it came to how they felt about how I treated the work rules. It's funny how only a week ago I admitted I hated being late and felt that the others were upset and she assured me that they were not and that I was fine if I kept trying, which I was.
I was pissed. I knew someone had not called me princess. I admitted to the group why I was late so often before, and how I always felt about it. I cried. I cried so damn hard. And everyone was dead silent... No one came forward. Made me wonder if it was actually ever done. If someone had complained specifically, they must feel like crap now, which I don't want... They shoud have come forward so that I could tell them I did not hate them for it. So that I could refresh their concerns and feelings of guilt for making me cry. If there were any guilt.
Mostly, I think the lady is loopy. I was praised by her after for sharing. Oh joy. Right now? I feel great actually. Best I have in years. I'm ready to own my mistakes, work harder, and fix the problems I feel I have created. I need to admit paranoia and have it be proven wrong. So far, I have, twice. I'll be a new person, without changing myself.
So you might suddenly see me admit a mistake, share my feelings about it, and try and correct it. Let's see how brave I am. Am I brave enough to heal?
 Silent Flame · Fri Sep 01, 2006 @ 05:38am · 1 Comments |
