Had myself another scare. You see, I just kept telling myself that everything was alright and wanted to BE alright so bad that I pushed it all down and pretended. It... well, blew up. I let out some very not-very-fun comments to my lover and he reacted as he should, got pissed at me for doing it. As soon as I realized he had blocked me from everything I realized my mistake. I couldn't even get a text through. All I wanted to do was say I was sorry...
So I actually prayed. I knew I was being pathetic and so wouldn't last the night very well if I didn't get SOMETHING to him. I prayed so hard. Compromised. "Just let me get this one text through and I promise to change." I've been so pesimestic, I've been so negative, I've hated everyone at least 10times and it sickened me just then. I prayed the hardest a mess could at 3am laying in her bed and I hit send... and... It got through. I was so happy, and my lover didn't seem quite as pissed either.
I spent another hour and a half babbling out to this "higher force' who granted my wish about what I disliked and planned to do to fix it. I didn't want a bandaid again, I wanted a solution.
*FLASH, BANG, BOOM, A NEW DAY~!*
I brushed everything aside and adapted a new onlook. And... things were so bright. I had the greatest day, I swear. ^^ Cept there's one itty, bitty problem... >.>; I'm on the verge of quitting RO. None of you are on there anymore, cept Shu, and lately shu's like... my boss or something. I love her to bits but sometimes... just sometimes it's nice to hang out or something. She's always GMing or is with the other players. I could easily get Alice upgraded and fade off. Or maybe I'll just wait till Tai is done and has more time and see if she wants to party or something. I don't care what any of you think, it'll never be the same guys, sorry. sad THings change.
So let's try and let them change for the good. ^^ Anyhow, just wanted to say that I pulled myself out of the pit and am on a new leaf. It's always good to post something when you're happy once in a while, hee hee. <3
 Silent Flame · Mon May 29, 2006 @ 08:08am · 0 Comments |
