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Have you noticed any progression in your ability to craft well thought responses? Do you typically use correct punctuation and grammar when you post? If not, why?

First, to answer the latter portion of the question—yes, and I think that I have proven it. I value grammar and I just cannot, NOT use it. It just doesn’t happen and never will.

Now, for the first portion.

Oh, most definitely. In my first stories, I didn’t have much direction in my posts. I didn’t really think them through, nor did I really care. I just wanted to post and post and post. And you could tell.

Notice this example from again, The Land of Tierra (post can be found here: http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/barton-town/land-of-tierra-literate/t.11914992_1/):

‘Kiyoko had her eyes on the map in front of her. She squinted her eyes in strain, tring to read in the dark forest. "Darn...I think we're lost..." Upon that comment she looked around, and saw only trees. Tired and exhausted she sat down on a tree branch to try to gain her bearings.

As she sat down, there was a soft rustling in her satchel around her waist. Sticking it's head out of the bag, a cabot looked around as well, before setting his eyes on his companion. "Why did we stop?" he asked quietly.

Kiyoko rolled up her map, and put it away, only to bring out another wrapped package. "I'm tired, and I want to eat." she replied. He smirked slightly. "My intuition tells me you have finally come to realize that we are lost." he said to her. Kiyoko only scowled. "We're not lost."

He shook his head, and climbed out of the pack. "I told you this would happen if we came back this way....Why didn't we just go through the border gate like evreyone else does?" he asked her, stretching at the same time.

She unwrapped her parcel to reveal a cold lump of bread. She broke of a piece and handed it to him, and he said his thanks. "Because Rio, I do not have the amibition of getting recognized." she said to him. He rolled his eyes at her. "No one will recognize you Kamira! You have changed a lot in fifteen years!" he exclamied.

She looked at him roughly. She didn't like being called by her real name. "Do not call me that." Rio jumped onto a tree branch above her. "Why not? It is your name." Kiyoko bit off a piece of bread with malice. "Not anymore." she snapped. They continued their lunch in silence.’



This is the introduction of the main character of the story, and I was trying to be stealthy and creative.

I don’t think that it came across well. There’s no direction in the post whatsoever, and I’m obviously ‘waiting’ for someone to make something happen.

I couldn’t start stories well at all. I could jump in well, but I used to make others start the first post and then I’d join. Years later, I love starting stories once I figure out what I want to do. I love writing the first posts, and I think that I’m good at it now.

Take a look at this example from Holy Rampage (thread and post can be found here: http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/invitation-only-rp/holy-rampage-private/t.52012777/
):

‘It was an unfortunate thing that Gilvas was a war-torn land, but it was the sad truth. It was ten years ago that the mighty empire of Lothra had decided to conquer the smaller and less fortunate country, along with a few others surrounding, under the wise arm of their newly throned King Mori McLanden. Now Mori was not a stupid man, no, he was by far one of the smartest, and he had led what he deemed his ‘Holy Army’ in a long, yet successful age of bloody conquest. Now, while his men thought that they were fighting for truth and justice, waging a holy war against the neighboring heathens that worshipped multiple gods instead of the mighty ‘Gaira’, it was in reality for a completey different reason.

Not that Mori McLanden would let them know of his real reasons. He thought it better to leave the men to their imaginations and fight for what they found a justified cause versus his reasoning—for more land. Besides, fighting a ‘Holy War’ was much more interesting, and he knew that it would grace the history books for centuries to come as a victory on his part.
Provided he won of course.

And win he would, he made sure of that. He had people here and soldiers there. Every which and way, there was a set of eyes that was his. It was all part of his perfect plan to keep insurgents under his thumb. He knew that there would always be things that were out of his control, but even a little presence everywhere was better than having a blind eye.

And at the moment, he was winning his self-proclaimed Holy War.

But what he did not know was that there was a trick up the opposing forces’ sleeve. Gilvas had in their employ a set of spies and renegades, unparalleled in their skills. This group was seen to be the future and the population thought that they would inevitably bring about a turning point in the war, putting an end to merciless slaughter. They knew that it was to be dangerous once they set out on their mission though. They were to sneak in, become loyal followers of His Highness Mori and his god, and they were to weave trust in his soldiers until one day, they would blind side them. They would attack and hopefully kill the king.

But that day is long in the future, and this is a battle that had only just begun…

-----------

Nailah woke up abruptly, jumping slightly as she did. She felt a hand at her back, trying to calm her.

“Calm down,” a voice said to her. “It’s just the morning.”

“Dammit,” she muttered. She began to shuffle about, pulling herself from the handsome body that she had been entwined with. After stretching a little, she pulled herself from the covers and went to the small wardrobe.

“What’s on fire?” Diedras asked.

“Work,” she muttered. She moved to wash her face in the small basin that was set into the wooden counter. Once done she turned to him, an eyebrow raised. She had just thought of something. “Don’t I disgust you?”

“Don’t you ask me this every time you sleep with me?” he responded. She was speaking of how he was a human and she was an aguna—a beast man. Relations between the two were rocky at best. There had been tension there for centuries. It was a sad thing really, they really weren’t all that different from each other.

“Oh no, no,” Nailah said, “it was you who slept with me.” She smirked.

“Perhaps.” He took the moment to admire her as she set back to washing her face and teeth at the mirror.

She was tall and lithe with a slender body and long limbs. His eyes traced her form and every curve, and he was thankful that she was standing before him naked. Even though slender, her buttocks had nice curve to it and her breasts, though not well endowed were still round and perfect. For him at least. Her hair was cut to the middle of her back, a shining slivery color that contrasted with her dark, honey-colored skin. She had a wolf tail that was covered in silvery-white fur, and even it was beautiful.

Diedras regarded her in awe. She turned to him. Her eyes took in his angular face and bright green eyes.

“Where are my clothes?”

“Somewhere over on the floor,” he replied with a smile. She rolled her eyes in response and moved about to find them. Diedras thought more on their relationship. He did not love her. She was a close friend, and perhaps he loved her as a friend, but not as a lover. They slept with each other periodically to let out their frustrations and to have just a moment of solace in such a tough time. For that, he would always be thankful to her.

For Nailah it was the same. Diedras was a close companion and someone she could trust. While he was not a spy, he was an information gatherer of high skill. He had helped her on countless occasions. While she did not love him, she felt she owed him a debt. That was not the reason she slept with him though. There were times that she felt so empty and so lonely, and just being with someone filled that hole, even for one night.

Once she was fully dressed, she turned to Diedras again. “Thank you, Diedras,” she told him, her low voice amused.

He laughed and replied, “You don’t have to thank me.”

“Tonight?” she asked.

“I’m afraid not. I have some work of my own.” Her face fell. “Don’t you have work yourself?” he reminded her. “You should get on it.”

She sighed. “I must leave town soon…”

He was suddenly interested. “Are you going back to Gilvas?”

“No. I’m not sure, but I think they are sending me to Ankoreth…”

“The main port town of the empire?” he exclaimed. “You’ll be killed!”

“I’m to enlist in the army,” she said. “They will not.”

“Their sending you to the enemy. To them, your kind are devils!”

“Not if I swear allegiance to their god.”

“But… you’d be lying.”

She smirked. “Do they know that? I must get in and gain access to their king! There’s a reason I’m a spy, Diedras. I’m good at acting, remember?”

“Oh, I remember,” he muttered. He suddenly thought of the first time they had met. Suddenly, she bent over to him, her lips meeting his cheek lightly. He smiled. “What was that for?” he asked.

She ruffled his unruly black hair. “Thanks, again, and a goodbye. For now at least.”

“Ah yes, goodbye.”

She didn’t say another word as she left his loft. Once she was gone, his mouth unclenched. He may not have loved her, but he was worried for her all the same, for she was a close friend. He cared for her safety. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and moved to dress himself.

-----

The trip to Ankoreth had made her seasick. Once off of the large ship it had taken a good hour for Nailah to feel steady on her feet again. Two weeks at sea would do that one. Once she had gotten her bearings back, she had met her good friend and companion at the local tavern. Syphis Tanner was assigned to this job along with her. The king of Gilvas had the utmost faith in them. Her face had soured at the thought, and even more so when they came to the local army barracks.

“What’s up?” Syphis had asked, patting her back lightly. “You look sick again.”

“Oh I’m fine,” she muttered. “I’m just thinking about how our king threw us to the dogs…”

“Oh, you know he sent us because we are the best!” His voice was a little arrogant.

“He’s throwing us to the goddamn dogs, Syphis! He’s sending us to the enemy!” He immediately covered her mouth.

“Shh!” he warned before moving his hand. “It won’t work if you reveal us!”

“It’s a suicide mission,” she whispered. “I don’t like the smell of it, and I have a strong nose…”

“What is your purpose here?”

Nailah and Syphis turned to meet the lock-eyed gaze with a guard soldier. He stood tall and proud and held his spear at his side. Syphis jumped in before she could ruin anything.

“We are here to enlist in the Holy Army, sir.”

The guard’s gaze shifted from Syphis to Nailah, and the second his eyes met her pointed ears and her tail, they narrowed dangerously. “You’re one of those heathens. Why do you were those clerical robes? It’s an insult.”

“I am cleric, sir,” she said carefully. She smiled sweetly and curtsied lightly, grabbing at her white cotton skirt. Her tail flickered from side to side, as if to show it off. “I am here to offer my talents to the army. I have found the way in our lord god, Gaira, and I wish to punish those who have not seen the light, even if they are my own brothers. I have tried to teach them, but they will not listen.”

The woman was convincing enough and after a moment of thought, he let them both pass through. Syphis smiled and nudged her shoulder. “Nice acting there,” he commented. “For a second, even I was convinced.”

She snorted. “I nearly choked on my words trying to get them out…” He laughed at her as they kept on.

------

Once they had enlisted, they were told to go to the training room. They were told they could use any weapon and spar with anyone. Dinner would be held at sundown with a meeting to follow, but until then, they could do as they wished.

The training area was outside in the hot and humid air. Nailah sniffed. The arid, dry air of her home was preferable, even if it was the desert. She had changed from her clerical robes into a more comfortable khaki dress. It was sleeveless and gathered at her waist were from there it fell flat in a panel down the front and down the back. It did show all of her legs from the thigh down, but it was designed with mobility in mind, and she wore it because it flowed freely and didn’t get caught around her. It also had a small hole for her tail. There were soldiers all around her, sparring with each other and the like. She smirked. She was the only woman that she could spot.

She began by stretching. She bent over and touched her toes, and then stretched back up. She could feel the eyes of some of the men on her, but she ignored them. This was her zone. She may have been a spy at that moment, but the battlefield would always be her home. Syphis ran off to go pick around and gather some info, so she had decided to stay behind and gain her sword hand back.

Once she was done with stretching, she began a few drills. A punch there, a kick here. Another kick and then the twirl of her leg. It was almost like it was a dance. Her arms and legs flew around her as she kept a medium-fast pace. She kicked again and then flicked a wrist there, punching at an imaginary enemy.

Nailah got caught up in her drills and didn’t stop for quite some time.

Once she was done, she took a quick rest, taking a sip from her water skin. Sighing, she placed it down. Fighting her friends and family on the field would not be fun. It would be grim and horrific.

But it was her job.

So she sat there, gaining her breath back as she though upon the fate that would befall her brothers. War was a terrible thing indeed. But it was her job. She was to infiltrate. She was to become one of them and then when they least expect it, turn on them. It would take a long time. She knew that she would gain friends. She knew that she would have to betray them—she wasn’t looking forward to that.

But she had no choice. The Holy Army was on a bloody rampage.

And she had to stop it.’



Our story is introduced. Our villain is introduced, but we do not see him, we only know of him. One of out main characters is introduced, and we notice right off the bat that she’s kind of a b***h, racy and has a problem with humans. See what I did there? I used context clues.

Out of all the ‘first’ posts that I have ever done, I love this one the most. It just flows so well.

I’ve also learned to develop my characters so much more than before. They used to be flat and slightly lifeless—just kind of there. Now, my characters use motions and gestures and the like to express who they are just as much as words. Through the years of role playing, I’ve learned to develop the characters to actually act and breathe, not just be there on the paper.

This can be seen here with another post from Holy Rampage (which the full post can be found here, second post:http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/invitation-only-rp/holy-rampage-private/t.52466341/ ):

Aleck, knowing that he had been caught, raised his gaze slowly, his eyes washing over her figure. They lingered on her chest before meeting her face. She scowled slightly, not liking his blatant and uncaring attitude about ogling her. “I really don’t care,” he told her, taking a step closer to her. “I harbor no prejudice against your kind.”

“Except when it comes to Kelweyr,” she finished for him.

“No, no, no, you and I have had this conversation before. I will treat him like a being when he treats himself like a being. I don’t respect people who don’t respect themselves. They don’t deserve it.”

She narrowed her eyes. “The reason that he seems himself like that is because that is how everyone else treats him. Maybe if you treated him like a human being, he’d think he was one. But all he is is a pet to you.”

“No, that is where you are wrong. He is a pet to my sisters. He is a pet to the king. But not to me. He is a man to me.” He shook his head. “Why are we arguing about this?”

“It’s a better topic than my assets,” she replied.

“Oh? But your assets are so nice…” He pointed to her chest. “Those are nice too, so round and a good size, slightly larger than average, but not too large, just right… Good shape too…I bet that their fun to play with…”

“Oh that’s it,” she growled, her tail whipping around behind her. On her face was dark scowl and she looked like she was ready to pounce. “That comment about my a** was a little entertaining, but that is just a little far!”

Alecksander stepped closer. “Far? It was a compliment… or do you not get any of those? I wouldn’t be surprised, with your kind all hated and the like…”

“Shut up!” she yelled.

He stepped closer and he was only an arms length away from her. Nailah was a tall woman, but so was Alecksander. As he closed in on her, she suddenly felt very small and cornered. He took another step and she backed up right into the book case. She was nervous, but she showed no fear.’



Here, we have Aleck and Nailah arguing. They’ve just met, and using their gestures and motions, we know that Aleck is a womanizing p***k and Nailah is a hot-headed, temper-flaming, but fearless. We know so much about their relationship just by how they acted around each other, not just their dialogue.