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It seems like I haven't been able to catch a break lately. "A day late and a dollar short" seems to be the story of my life. I haven't been able to write in a while because I've been so busy with school. I usually have three subjects of homework a night. Even on the weekends I don't really get a break because after I finish my other homework, I work on the anatomy packet so I don't have so much to do throughout the week.

Anyways, I really started feeling shitty about the way things are turning out for me around Halloween. Hunter invited me to go to a Halloween party with her. I was so excited because not only would I get to hang with Hunter outside of school (which we don't get to do very often), but the parties she goes to are crazy. It would have been my first full-on no supervision, alcohol and drugs party. Halloween comes around, and Hunter says she'll be at my house by 5:00. At 4:45, she calls and says she won't be there till 6:00. No big deal I thought. It's only an hour, and it will give me more time to do my homework before she comes. About 6:15 she calls and said she's found a ride, but we'll have to wait to 8:00 for the guy to pick us up because he has to take his kid trick-or-treating. Damn, now I have to sit here for another two more hours I thought, but at least we have a ride for sure now. At about 8:30, I still haven't heard anything from Hunter, but I figure the guy needs time to take his kid home and then drive to Hunter's, so it's probably not a big deal. At 9:00 I still haven't heard anything, so I call Hunter. She said that she's been trying to get a hold of the guy, but he won't answer his phone and hasn't called her back. She said she'd keep trying, but if she hadn't heard anything by 10:00 then we probably weren't going. I figured by this time we weren't, but I just said ok. At 10:30 I still hadn't heard anything, so I knew we weren't going, but then she calls and said she still hadn't got a hold of the guy, so we weren't going. So guess what I did for Halloween? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I sat around the house in my costume and did homework. So not only didn't I get to go to the party, but I missed trick-or treating too! WORST HALLOWEEN EVER!!!!!! Then, Ann, who didn't have any plans, got to go to a party. She went over to her cousin's, and they were going to a party so they took her. She gets to go to parties quite often, (and of course doesn't invite me) and this was my big chance to go, and I don't get to. Then the next Monday at school, she like "OMG, I felt like such a whore. I made out with three different guys!" It's just not ******** fair. Not saying that I would have, but I want, even if just for one ******** time, the chance to do that. It's so damn frustrating!

Then, a couple weeks ago, the anatomy class at my school hosted a blood drive that everyone in the class had to work. For half of the day, my job was to give the people who just donated water and a snack. I thought that this would be a good opportunity to talk to this guy I think is cute, but have never talked to before. Well, the whole morning passes with no sign of him, so I figured that maybe he didn't sign up to give blood at all. Then after lunch, I had to switch jobs, so I now had to go get people out of the classrooms. Guess who the first person in the afternoon to give blood was. That's right, the cute guy. So not only didn't I get to give him food and talk to him, but the people before we switched had already got him. So I had no contact with him at all. *sigh* My timing is never right. It's probably better this way though. I don't even know his name, but I'm actually trying to keep it that way. I probably would have done or said something to embarrass myself, and it's not like he would have liked me anyways. I'm taking the whole "don't name the puppy because then you become attached" approach. This is probably the opposite of what most people with crushes do, but I think this is the only strategy that'll work for me.

Then, probably the biggest blow of all came earlier this week. I got invited to go on a mini field trip along with some other students from my school to a pretty prestigious college in my state. While riding in the car on the way there, the guy tells me that I missed a full ride scholarship by one point on my ACT. Annie got it instead. He said “I just wanted to tell you that so you knew how close it was and didn’t feel bad.” What the ********?! You think that made me feel better? Try super shitty! I felt like George from Grey’s Anatomy when he found out he failed his exam by one point. I wanted to cry. When he told me this, I didn’t even know what to say. Actually, I can’t really remember what I said. I think it was just something like “That sucks.” So, needless to say, the rest of the trip kind of sucked for me. I really wanted Annie to be there so I could punch her right in the face. I don’t think she really even needs a scholarship, or at least not a full ride. If the house I’m thinking of is hers, it’s nice, so her parents must have money. I’m sure they could afford to send her to college, or at least pay for a good chunk of it. Guess how much money I have for college. $00.00. That’s right. Nothing, nada, zip. I’m going to be paying for all of my college expenses with scholarships and student loans. As of right now though, I haven’t gotten any scholarships. For all the ones I know of that I can apply for, you have to write something. My main problem with this is I don’t have anything to write about with the prompt they give. For example, one place wanted you to write about an everyday hero. I don’t really know anybody who does anything to be considered for that. Plus, I can’t even make something up because the person featured in the winning essay will be given an award at some dinner. So there’s no point in even trying for that one because the chances are slim I’d win anyways, but then I’d have to back it up with a real person. In another scholarship, only one essay from each state will be chosen, so the chances of my essay getting picked is pretty much 0%. Why take the time to write some big essay when the chances of getting anything for it are astronomical? I might be able to get one scholarship though. A smaller university I applied to (and got accepted to) offers a scholarship. I’m only eligible for $2K and year though, which is only a drop in the bucket, but I guess anything helps. I haven’t heard anything about whether I can get it though, and I don’t know when I would be able to hear anything. So I guess 99% of the money I need will be coming from student loans. I know I’m going to love being thousands of dollars in debt as soon as I get out of college. So, when I got home from the trip and told my mom about what the guy told me, she freaked out. She started flipping out on me and yelling. She’s was like “Why the ******** didn’t you try harder on your ACT?! What the ******** is wrong with you?! Why didn’t you try to convince that guy to give you a full ride too?! Etc. etc.” I just kept telling her that I tried my best on my ACT, and at the time I was kind of in shock and didn’t know what to say to the guy. I cried for 99% of the night. I still fell like s**t about it. She did apologize later and say she was just mad and disappointed, but the really sucky thing is is that she’s right. I should have tried to talk to the guy and said something. I’m an idiot. It seems like I’m always coming in 2nd. Whether it is little things like that poster contest in art two years ago, to being 2nd in the class, to this. I just can’t win. Life sucks.