where has the days past?
i'm growing older, momma. and i'm getting stronger then ever before. i'm a teenager, now. going into highschool next year. it's hard. but, it's even harder without you. dad's been in troubles, and i'm trying to help him out but i miss how you cheered him up. how you just shot a smile at him and he would be all better. and no pain. i have friends now, back then i didn't. i was practically alone after your death. i'm sick, mommy. but love-sick. i miss your kisses and hugs. and your sweet perfume you always wore. ya' know, dad sprays it around the house to feel as if you just walked by. and it makes me cry. because i turn around to see air. remember when i always did your hair? and i would always curl your hair and try and seem like i was the best hair salon person ever? but then after, you lost you hair and all i could do was touch the fuzzies the grew on your head. and, how we used to watch three's company when you did my hair for picture day. but i never went to school the next morning, because you were sick and i wanted to help you.
then, on november 3rd, three days after your birthday, you left us. i held you hand and i said my last words, do you remember that? you couldn't hear me, but daddy said you could. you were all bruised up. all of them were from me when i hugged you too tightly and when i kissed you too strongly. that made me feel really bad. i didn't wanna lose you, but it was my choice to pull the plug on that little machine that was keeping you alive. it took me real courage to go up to it and do it, mommy. now ever day i beat myself up saying.. "she could've made it, just a couple of days and my mom would've made it.." but i didn't want to hurt you, so i let you go.
then when i seen you at the funeral, i felt like i losing everything. you looked pretty, momma. truely. my mind would play tricks and i would yell.. "she's breathing, don't bury her!" then when you went in the ground, i knew i lost everything. i miss you. and i would give anything just to have you back. i miss you more everyday when i see my friends kiss their mom's cheek. and spend time with them. then i think of you. and wish how i could've had this relationship with you. but i already did, and i loved every time of it. i just wish it was longer. much longer. so before i leave you, too rest. i have three words for you.
i love you.
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