i dont think im ready for college and m being pressured soo much to get As As As in school and do alot of stuff I wouldnt normally do to just get accepted. Mom got me a therapist. ........ I have never shared my feelings in the open with anybody so why ******** start now? I wish I could just find a gun and shoot my brains out because im so tired of life. When I looked at mine compared to the poor chillens in africa i really wish they had my life instead. I dont deserve mine and i know it.
I'm to afraid to hurt myself though. I act all tough and rough but when I wanna to easily just kill myself its not easy. I'm just finishing crying over a college essay I am trying to write but I cant start one for crap. I'm suxh a baby lol. For a year I have been searching for someone who isnt afraid to kill me but know body will do it. But then I'm having doubts because I always think what happens if i die. Will mom cry for me? Will my twin's life be ruined or get better if i'm not here?
Who will miss me when i'm gone and will they even remember me? When should I start writing my will? Who gets my stuff. Who can I talk to? When will cruel cupid make me fall in love and stay there and have the person feel the same in return? Why is a computer life so much easier then my real life.
People just dont understand why I do what I do. When can all this pain and suffering I feel just come to an end? All I know is that God is punishing me for everything that I have ever done in my life since i was born. From regular every day sins to my faith in Him fading.
All you people who read this just sit in laugh or say "Oh he's stupid" or "stop trying to get attention" "stop trying to have people pity you because your life is so ******** miserable well what about the other peoples in the world that have problems. They have it worse than you."
Signed,
So Sick and Tired of Life
So Sick and Tired of Life