You might think this a weird question to ask at the beginning of a journal entry, but maybe not... Does it ever make you horribly upset to look at old photos or watch home videos of yourself... To read poems that you wrote maybe 5 years ago... Or read diary entries from maybe 10?
I can't help but start crying whenever I see myself as a little girl running around the room while on TV... While my mom and dad are standing in the background laughing at me or filming and saying how cute I am or telling me to do things. Y'know.. Just silly things to record that don't mean anything at the time. Should it really make me sad?
Whenever I see that little girl with the strawberry red locks looking up at me from a photo... It just breaks my heart to know what become of her - To know what was happening to her then and know that she didn't understand it.
The words in those diaries couldn't be more upsetting. Talking about threats of being beaten by her mother's boyfriends... Talks about never being allowed out of the house... Never allowed to see her mother, her brother, or her nana. Spilling her whole life story in just a few words: I am so alone. Saying how much she really cried and that she has no friends to lean on.
I just wish I could look back and go, "oh... I was happy then", but that would be a lie and I don't take kindly upon lying to myself.
If I could, I'd take this little girl aside and tell her that I love her and just hold her so that she knows how important she is in the world. I just wish that she could stay pure and innocent forever... But even than, life was working on corrupting her. And now this little girl is so ******** up, that it's not even funny, is it?
 MarionetteOfShadows · Sat Jul 25, 2009 @ 04:06am · 0 Comments |
