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Now that I've seen in, in this way and have not once been asked to feel this way about anyone else, im sad. I've been in deep depresions before but this one might be taking a little of my heart. The final piece that I was saving has been broken off into a full half of a heart, half of a love gone. If people weren't so caught up in appearance maybe I'd have someone as well. A person who cares and gives and shares with me, and just me. It wont ever happen to me and I suppose I dont deserve it. I want to find someone. Someone that doesn't care about looks, can see straight into my heart and engage it, love it as I will his. That is why I don't care about appearance, if a handsome man is walking past I dont pay attention as other women might. I feel that a handsome man is the same or lesser than every other ugly man out there. What is a good looking man anyway? Ok there are good looking men out there but I am not going to throw myself at them to get attention or obsess over them because I feel like they are not real, the way they speak and act is just to get hot girls and that's not what I'm looking for. It is not about the sex or money or fantasy for me, it is the connection and the deep dark meaning behind love. I just wish I can find someone like this.