Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

The title doesn't really match what Im thinking about but that's the only words that come to mind on this topic. It's hard to write it down so im writing it here in the hopes that people I know in real life will not read this, ever. I fantasize everyday, everything to what Im going to do in college to my latest dream which usually includes a lover or asspect of loving someone else. I have never in my life loved anyone outside my family (and that as well could use some work). I'm obese, awkward, stuble on my words, short, low self-estemed and because of this mad at the world for living happer than I do. So in defense, mock the dumb, insult the stupid, and call out the sluts and jerks of world surrounding me. In turn I am called b***h and left alone and of course these are lies because nobody talks to me at all. I have one true friend that I speak with but it is usually for short periods and after she wont call or email for a month; which is quite fine since she has a boyfriend, school, and other friends to think about. I am completly alone. Today I saw my friend and her boyfriend together at a nearby park and left before they could have a chance to glipse my presence. Before I left though I saw them in utter happiness and thought this is one of those perfect moments where couples are seen in absolute nakedness; their pure, innocent, and worship exactly who is holding hands with them . . . . (next journal)