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okay, permission to go insane?

please remember that i'm highly emotional right now, and i'm just reacting to events. what i say below may or may not remain true after my initial emotional outburst here.

i am so pissed off right now! i want to scream, and cry, and kick someone in the ballz scream

that jerk of a "leader" kicked me from my guild (on PWI). he didn't even talk to me about it before hand.

i'm pretty sure it has something to do with my boyfriend being kicked (as i already mentioned in a previous entry), but i guess i can't technically prove that >.> still it's pretty obvious.

i asked the second in command/my ex and she said it was because they were running out of room in the guild, wanted to invite more high levels, i wasn't supper active, and i was a lower level. They're thinking about kicking everyone in my level group and replacing them with the next level anyway.

And since I only get on every other day or every third day, i'm close enough to inactive.

Yet these are the same two people who literally begged me to join when they first thought of making the guild. I wanted to be guildless (long list of reasons) and they were like, no, please join us. It'll be fun. We're just going to invite a bunch of our friends and friends of friends. And then proceeded to tell me that my reasons for wanting to be guildless wouldn't be voilated.
1. i wanted to pvp at will, and not have to worry about stupid kos lists or having ppl killing me or my guildmates because one or the other of us killed one of their guildmates or some such s**t. well that one was half shot just by joining, and the rest of it went to hell when, last month, they made a kos list >.>
2. i go through streaks where i'm supper active and level a ton, and then turn around and do basically nothing for a while. and i didn't want them wondering about me or counting on me to be steadily lvling. guess what i got kicked for being "less active" after you said that my going through streaks would never be a problem.

and that's just the first two reasons! i won't go into the others for sake of brevity.

but seriously, without those reasons right there. and forgetting the fact that they asked me to join in the first place, AND ignoring the fact that technically i founded the damned thing, because no one else could at the time (i was guildless and they were pussies that didn't want to leave their guilds until they had a new one all ready and waiting), and totally disregarding the whole thing where they kicked my boyfriend a couple weeks ago, so that all we're doing is examining the reasons i was told... this is still bullshit.

I quote: "The reason isn't personal. It's just that we are running out of room in the guild and we can't afford to upgrade it at the moment (it costs 10 mil) so we kicked all the inactives to make room. I know you're not totally inactive but =/ well I hope you understand...he was already thinking of kicking all the 6x and inviting all 7x anyway (well the really inactive 6x ones)"

Not personal... yeah i'm sure >.> but we're ignoring the fact that our leader has been being mean to me since late march/the first of april, the fact that he said he "can't trust me" after kicking my boyfriend, because of said relationship to the kicked, and then the fact that the other reasons (we're about to come to) don't make any sense.

we're running out of room in the guild and can't afford to upgrade (so that the member limit would be raised, thus making more room)

okay, first off the reason you can't afford it is because you keep biding on TW even though you know we're not gonna win. and i won't even go into this last TW in which our "leader" apparently stated no he was not going to bid, then bid at the last minute against a guild we'd never be able to beat in a million years, didn't tell anyone or set the thing up in the least, then was a total no show on the day of. >.> this pissed me off enough that i was actually considering leaving the guild when i logged on this morning (only to find i had been saved the trouble).

secondly, out of room? okay, yet i'm the only one getting kicked? so your making room for one more person. and the last time i checked we had *coughthe13thcough* 68 ppl in a lvl 2 guild. lvl 2 max is 100. ... so you needed one more slot because you only had room for 32 more ppl...
now my question is, who are these 33 ppl you need to invite urgently? and if we're a guild about friendship why would you be mass recruiting 33 ppl and kicking one of your friends and a member of the original 5 players that set up the damn thing in the first place?

they're kicking inactives ... i've yet to hear of any other members being kicked for one thing and secondly, she goes on to say that "i know that your not that inactive" ... so if i'm not inactive ... why kick me?

and gonna kick 6x (meaning lvl 60's, i.e. me), or at least the "really inactive ones" ... cuz i'm inactive ... as we just established >.>

whatever the whole thing is just completely retarded, and i suppose i shouldn't be that upset given the fact that i was 80% ready to quit anyway. but still... i can't get over this feeling that i've been dumped =/ and rudely at that. and it hurts my feelings. ... bastards....