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Thinking too hard.
I say stupid things often, rarely do they matter. But still I think about them as if they would as if they would make or break me for the rest of my life. I think, ‘maybe no one heard me’ or ‘maybe no one cares’ but still I dwell on the past. It will take me a long time to stop thinking about one instance, even if now its been proven insignificant. The thought still lingering in my mind. I dread that someone, anyone may remember that I have said that. I hope to god it doesn’t matter to them, I wonder if that’s why they hate me. I don’t know why but I think. I think and think and think until I have myself all upset over nothing. Every little thing I do gets obsessed over until I assume they are giggleing behind my back because I dropped a pencil 3 years ago. Obviously that’s not true but still its possible. WHY? Why do I think? It’s not like its helpful to think all the time about things I cant change. Then I go and say something else equily or more stupid then the first time. Everything I say and do I feel like they find fault in it. I worry to much of what they think. They are full of s**t they don’t know anything. That’s not true. Every single one of them effects me. How I live in memories is the only way I exist. Others perception of me is the sole important thing. Its true no matter how much we deny it. When we die we cant say it doesn’t matter what they thought. YES IT DID! That was all that mattered. That’s all that ever mattered so I sit and think about every stupid thing that I say, most of which don’t matter, and think about them as if they would matter.
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