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I hope I'm overreacting. It's just that these thoughts keep entering my head, and I can't stop them.

As I posted before, I was planning on asking Jon to prom this week. I thought about it, and I decided I was going to ask on Friday, in case he needed time to think about it/ask permission, and also if I got turned down, I wouldn't have to see him the next day, because I would be really embarrassed. Then On Thursday in first hour, I overheard Jaime and Alison talking about prom, and I heard Jaime say something about Jon. An icy chill ran down my spine. "OMG," I thought. "I never even thought that he might already have a date!" Now, I don't know for sure that she was talking about the same Jon, but it would make sense since I think they are friends. This is where I hope I'm overreacting. Jon is a pretty common name, right? She could be talking about someone totally different, someone who doesn't even go to this school. But I couldn't erase the thought out of my head. Then other thoughts started forming, and they gradually got worse and worse. What if she really is going to prom with Jon? What if they're going as a date, and not as "just friends?" What if he asked her? Or even, what if he asked her after we had been talking the first or second time? God, these thoughts just keep buzzing around in my head and are making me sick. I was going to talk to him about it on Thurdsay, but there were too many people around. I really wanted to talk to him about it Friday, but he was talking to someone else, so I didn't even bother sitting by him. Now I'm stuck all weekend in this sort of emotional "limbo."

When I think about it though, I don't really know how I'm going to feel. I do know that chances of me feeling happy about the outcome of this situation are not good. The only way I'd feel happy is if he isn't already going with anyone, and he says yes to me. If he is going with someone else as "just friends" before we started talking, then I can't be mad at him. I think I might feel mad, but I can't let him know that, because it's not fair. What if he is going with someone else as a date, and he even asked her though? I don't know what to think right now, but I think I'm going to be devestated. Hopefully I can harden myself to this subject before Monday though, so if that does happen I won't care as much. I hope my facial expressions don't give away how I'm feeling when I talk to him. I don't want him to know that I'm hurt. How am I going to treat our relationship if that happens though? Do I get pissed all over again, or do I look the other way? I know I should be pissed, but I'll still miss him.

If he doesn't go to prom with me, I'm going to feel like a loser. That will mean that I officially don't have a date, so I won't even go. I really did want to go. Well, what I really wanted was to go with him. I won't get anoher opportunity, because he's a senior, so he won't be here next year. I just have so many confusing emotions.

Why do things always have to be so complicated?!