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She's become wholly apathetic again. And I find this as heart-wrenching as possible seeing how I've found myself falling in love with her again despite how much she's changed. I really should quit being so shocked about all of this, because I can't say that I haven't included these possibilities in my plan, but I just can't sit comfortably while she isn't alright. It hurt when she made me believe that she'd come back, only to return and say that she can't feel love at all right now. I feel a bit used from that, but I imagine it was my own fault for raising my hopes so much. I just wish she'd be happy again, and stop fooling around with other people who don't deny the fact that their emotions exist. I'm so worried for her, because I know she must be hurting somewhere. My current plan is still in action, and I expect that it can become rather hazardous for me very quickly, whether I still love her by the end or not, so I'm a bit apprehensive to get events in motion because of that. I don't even know if it will do any good either, but I can't sit idle while she's this unhappy. She's my dearest friend, and I love her as such at the very least beyond everything else.

Enough of that though...

I just finished up watching Ouran High School Host Club, which didn't make my current events feel any better, however it still ended up being a delightfully hilarious show. I found it a pity that they only hint at Romances and don't develop with any of them, which struck my hard with my current relationship because things are a bit ambiguous right now. I really liked how some of the characters developed, and was kind of disappointed that others didn't develop at all. But I don't suppose the anime did much justice to the manga, so I'll have to start reading that right away. I find myself quite addicted to these shoujo series, and I can't pin out why... Hopefully yaoi doesn't follow. O.o

Also, I just tried Pocky the other day. It was delicious. I have no idea why I'd always steered clear from it since it's introduction to the otaku community... Oh yeah, ADDICTIVE CHEMICALS! It's definitely chock full of those as I've suspected... I wonder what other candies and treats I can get my hands on during the Japan festival this Saturday...

Which reminds me, I don't think I'll be swinging by St. Louis this weekend, so I must apologize to all of my adoring fans hoping that I'd make an appearance in their town, but don't fret. I may have another tour set in mind sometime in mid October provided the budget allows for it. Yes, the out-of-pocket nature of the times is starting to bite me in the a**, and will also make shopping more difficult during the Japan festival up at the college, because in terms of money I has none...

So now I'm thinking about volunteering at the Japan festival for the extra credit to be earned from it, since I've missed so much class while I was on my death bed. It seems my illness is growing worse, and the hope that I'll recover at all is steadily shrinking, but that doesn't mean I have the option to give up on school. I may be a corps in less than a year's time, but I want to be a corpse with a degree. >.<;; So I'm going to rush and attempt to rectify all of my classes so that I may graduate at semester like I should have done four years ago...

I wonder how many pictures I'll take at the festival, seeing how I might as well be too lazy to volunteer (I can still get 5-10 points for the paper). I was a bit disappointed that I didn't take pictures for my girlfriend last year, because there was no way I'd have been able to take her for the date, but I'd still like to get pictures for her possibly. I wonder if there will be less cosplayers this time, because I found then to be quite annoying. Sure cosplay is a legitimate part of Japanese culture, but I believe that there should be a more wholesome basis to where the festival resides. Anime and otaku culture might as well be ousted on that note. However, since it is the only chance I get to buy imported media each year, I might as well sit still for it and open my wallet... However, I will kick the nose off of any Narutard cosplayer that seems to lose focus as to why we're even having the festival in the first place... I can't tell you how many akatsuki robes I saw last year... =_= Perhaps I'll even use the opportunity to make a post on DannyChoo.com... I'm sure it would be slightly more relevant than all the oppai and panchira pictures they've been posting lately...

I've got to rush into the MRC early this morning so that I'll be able to make up any homework possible to save my grade.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to have a bit of fun this weekend for a change, and not worry about my friend one bit. I don't know how well that will happen, because I always end up worrying about her (especially during Japan fest time). I hope her weekend turns out to be fun as well, and that certain people look out for her and make her feel comforted...