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so today i went and investigated some more about asexuality, and i think it's pretty safe now to say that i don't fit that definition. unfortunately that leaves me still trying to decide what my problem is with sex ....

i thought maybe it has to do with my past ... the whole rape thing and everything ... but i don't know for sure. so i guess all i can do for now is work with that and wait to see what happens.

i don't really feel up to going into details about it right now, much less on here. besides, if i say much more i might be more then pg13 and then i'd have to make this entry private, which i prefer not to do (with the exception of my last entry).

in other news, i'm feeling kinda weird about school this year.
normally when fall comes around i can't wait for classes to start again, but this year i'm almost ... well okay not almost, i'm actually not looking forward to it at all.
i don't know why. i mean, this is REALLY out of character for me.

i guess it's partially because i don't feel like i really got a lot of my summer this year. i mean i pretty much just sat around the whole time.

granted i had to work part of the time, i've been helping my mom move, and i did get a chance to visit a bunch of family and all that, but ... i don't know, mostly i just goofed off on here. *sigh* i don't know. i'm just feeling generally depressed these days.
which is literally the LAST thing i need right now, because not only am i trying to make some decisions about my life right now (which i won't go into just now), but also i've already been struggling with school enough, so i really don't need to have another s**t quarter. i mean seriously. this is kinda gonna be my last chance.

well... hell... now i feel even more peachy.... i guess i'll go eat now. take my mind off of all this s**t for now.