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So, I used to think being alone was all right. I didn't like going out, I didn't like doing anything. I'd sit in my room and find something to entertain me. But, whenever you think you have it all -- the best friends, the perfect lover, places to go, things to do -- you find out that it's ten times better.
Of course, though... Life is life. And this is my life we're talking about. Once I get something good, it's taken away from me just like that. So now, I can only see my friends at specific times - if at all - and I don't even have some one to tell me they love me at the end of the day. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. All complete loneliness.
I planned the perfect day for tomorrow. My best friend, Dustin, was going to come over. We were going to go to the park, goof off, mess with the little kids... Y'know? Yea... Nana has a doctor's appointment that my dad was going to take her to but he got sick. So now, my stepmom has to take my nana and then she has to take my dad to his doctors appointment. That means I'm stuck here tomorrow all by my ******** self. Goodie.
Some days I just want to disappear -- run away, fall asleep forever... Jump off a cliff. Because... What is life if you have nothing to live for? Yea, it makes my friends happy and my parents happy, but who do I have? Nothing. I'm stuck by myself, yet again. I thought I was done with the lonliness and the depression and the hating life. I thought my life had turned up for the good... I thought since I'd had it so rough before, that life would give me a break and make it good.
No.. They teased me. Whatever Gods that are up there are looking down on me, smiling and saying, "******** you, you poor little white trash girl. Who are we to give you anything like that? Anything perfect? Do you think you really deserve that? Go back to reality, live the hard life... Your days in paradise are over." And it's the story of my life, too.
It's not much to ask for...
At the end of the day, all I want is to be loved by somebody that I can love back.
For now... All I have is the company of my tears. They'd be alright if they'd quit smearing up my glasses. Atleast I know I'll always have them for me...
 MarionetteOfShadows · Thu Jul 24, 2008 @ 04:40am · 0 Comments |
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