Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I can't control myself any longer. My deepest rages have formed into demons, beings longing for release. I train to gain my own power and control but it is all for naught. I'm not happy. I killed happy long ago in attempt to destory these demons. At the very least I wanted not to feed them any longer let them claw at me as they wasted away to nothingness. I thought that if I didn't indulge in one extreme I wouldn't indulge in the other, the scale would balance. How wrong I was. I have underestimated the power of rage and I fear the battle has turned against me. I refused joy, refused anger, I allowed myself nothing that would title me human in efforts to become stronger. I would only be content with what I had so that I may die in peace. This, due to my own weakness, I cannot be granted. There is little more I can do now. As I write I can feel them, screaming my failures at me, the memories of which serve to anger me and feed them. I wasn't strong enough. I don't know how to get the power I need now. It seems I'll die again soon then and again like before. I now need strength I cannot atain. And so I will cease to be.