The clouds were out to greet us on the funeral grounds that day. And the winds were beating at us to the extreme. As we all sat in our black leather-back chairs under the rain tarps, watching the burial, I knew this was a sign of change. The tears hadn’t exactly formed in my eyes yet, but they were pretty damn close to it. I watched Justin and his dad sitting closest to the burial area as the coffin was lowered into the ground. I could see that fury in Justin’s eyes, the fluorescent blue shining in his eyes were gone because they were covered completely by struggling tears that were lustfully trying to escape. His dad had an arm around him, trying to comfort his young twelve year old son. I completely lost all interest in the world for that one moment, watching Justin as the tears started to slip out. I knew this was hard for him; Chel and Jack were probably catching on as well.
All four of us always vowed to stay with each other no matter what – that was our vow back in second grade. And we’d been friends ever since, but lately, things have been getting hard for us all, the complications were overpowering us. Chel’s dad was going to be moving out of the country in about two months for his work. We were all going to miss our little blonde angel (Even though I’m the youngest). But we all vowed to keep it together, but I guess maybe that was easier said than done.
I looked away from Justin to Chel and Jack, where Chel had her head rested to Jack’s shoulder, and Jack had his arm around her shoulders in a friendly hugging gesture while the other hand was trying to slick his blazing red hair down in front of his face. They both mourned silently (The one time I think either of them has ever been silent…)
When the burial was over, in the reception area away from the grave yard, I looked around for Justin so that I could attempt to comfort him. I couldn’t watch him suffer and just let it stand. I checked around the entire building, but I just couldn’t find him. I walked out of the building and looked out among the many tombstones and graves all across the fields, landscaping with the many monuments in place and stepping stones leading to the graves of the lost souls. I looked across all the way to the very back of the fields, where there was a separate gated area with larger monuments at the graves. I started to backtrack from the area when I saw Justin at his mother’s monument, on a knee with his black sports coat over his shoulder even though there was a drizzle going across everything in sight. He was wet and his shaggy black hair was slicking over his face, confining his eyes. I wasn’t sure that I should disturb him just yet, I mean… Although any death is hard, for Justin I’m sure it was harder than normal. Because his mother had died in a car crash on his birthday. Seriously, and you should know just how depressing and ironic that is.
I remember the day that we heard the phone call, Chel, Jack, Me, and Justin were over at his house because we had forced him to celebrate in at least some way seeing that he had just wanted to live another day as a normal day. There was a knock at the door, and Justin answered it. His Mr. Simmons, Justin’s father had walked in and hugged his son hard, tears were literally pouring from his eyes. And Justin just sat there gravely still, death cold in confusion. When his father explained the collision, Justin literally crumpled.
So now here we are, and I couldn’t think of what to do as I saw my best friend sitting at his mother’s grave, probably deep in thought. I pulled back as I slowly started to close the black iron gate, but Justin looked up right as I was about to leave. That was one of the scariest moments of my life, because when I looked up, I saw that all life in Justin’s eyes were dead, his eyes weren’t shining as they always did. They were irritated and red from crying, and he looked like he had black eyes. The moment passed as he stood up and walked over to me, he looked down at me and then the shock came along as he pulled me close and hugged me hard. I remember blinking back tears as I tried to calm him down. But it didn’t seem to do much. But much doesn’t always mean none.
I will never forget what happened next, it’s confusing and emotional, but I swear this happened.
I could hear Justin just kind of whispering randomly to me, I couldn’t hear what he said to me over the rain that started to strengthen, but I didn’t really care. The romance of the scene to me was intensifying, like in a love film, a sob story, a basic chick flick. But come on, who couldn’t enjoy this?
I sort of came back into reality as I felt him remove an arm and it came in front of him. As tacky as this may be, he pushed my chin up just a bit too where when I opened my eyes, he was looking straight at me. A chill of discomfort kind of came through me in vibes. But it disintegrated when he leaned forward and kissed me short on my lips. It wasn’t anything special, more like a peck, but still, it felt long, so long that I sort of enjoyed it. When he pulled back, he completely let go of me and walked off toward the reception area. I sat there alone in the graveyard trying to understand what just went on as I came back into reality. I touched my lips and the thoughts started to buzz as the confusion grew and grew.
He kissed me… I thought to myself, he really kissed me.
My first kiss, this should be a happy moment for me.
But at ten years old, well, this just didn’t make any sense to me.
Five years later in ninth grade, it still doesn’t make much sense to me.
Not to mention that I haven’t seen Justin ever since.
And now every time I look back on that, even if now I am older and smarter, I always reply to myself with
“What the hell happened?”
And so because of that, I decided never to talk about it ever again.
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Where Me, Myself and I will be held... Revision will commense soon enough.
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