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I haven't been getting much sleep...becuase of my kitten. lol. Lately I've been getting more migrains then I can handle. And yesterday was aweful...at school I kept telling everyone to go away and stop talking to me, and I never say stuff like that. sweatdrop Well...I think...I'm just lonely. Though, I've been lonely all my life. Yes I'm speaking from my heart. It dates back to when I was younger, my mom was never home, she worked 24/7. My sisters always left me home alone so they could go play with their friends, leaving me to fend for myself. Nobody ever played with me, they always told me to shut up and go away, that I was annoying. The only people that would pay attention to me was my brother, Troy (I call him dad, even though he's not my real dad), and Derek (I call him my nice brother I never had, becuase my real brother had only one thing on his mind. Wrestling.) Well...anywho, those are the people I was raised by. But they were all guys...(Jeez...and my mom wonders why I'm no where near being a 'lady') Anywho...I was lonely back then, And I still am. All I wanted when I was youger was to curl up with my mom so she could read me a story, but instead, playtime for me was wrestling with my brother, in other words, getting the crap beat outta me on a daily basis. My brother, Troy, and Derek never cried, so I never cried, that was also something I learned not to do. There's another reason why I'm lonely, I could never cry to anyone, nor tell them what was the matter. I always kept everything to myself, and thats really hard to do. Well...thats it for now about my past, now heading to the future. The friends I got at school don't know me very well. I can't tell them anything cuz they'd blab it off to the whole entire school. And I can never go to them for help, it's always me they come to. And no offense to you guys...but you wouldn't really be able to understand what I'd be talking about if I told you. Most of it is about other people. People you've never met...so yah...kinda hard for me to tell you guys whats wrong. Besides you guys are a zillion miles away from me, I can't hug you, I can't poke you, or anything.
So um...this is why I'm probably not acting myself. And I guess I just wanted to tell someone. I don't know if you guys ever read my journal entries...but I guess it's here whether you do or not. You can leave a comment if you like...I don't matter to me if you leave one, or pm me. I've had several people pm me about past journal entries instead of putting a comment. lol.
 shans · Sat Oct 28, 2006 @ 02:42pm · 0 Comments |
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