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unedited // cross post
what matters more than the conclusion is how they got there
Behind the flutter of his eyelids Bijan sees her.
He tries to remember her properly -- her grinning face, her teasing words -- but all he can see is a husk without wings and his own thoughts on it could have been me.
Fardan helps. Fardan had always been honest with him, told him she's probably dead, don't look for her, silently helping him anyways when Bijan ignored his words and went to search. All at once Bijan feels guilty for the appreciation he's forgotten to show, wonders to himself why he can't do anything right by himself.
So it is less obligation to little Muna and more his own cowardice when he replies 'I'll go with you,' when Muna says 'I'll die if somebody doesn't share my curse.'
Perhaps that isn't entirely true. Perhaps he sees Parnia somewhere in that eight year old boy who looks at everyone save his parents with wariness in his eyes, who tries to make up for his distrustful nature by being defenseless.
He also knows that Muna would choke on his own taint before he asked somebody for help.
Fardan, naturally, does not approve. He stares dryly at Bijan, does not say anything for a moment when Bijan confesses that he plans on leaving the pack. "I was wondering how you were planning to punish yourself," Is his reply, disapproval etching his tone but not forming into words.
Bijan ducks his head down, feeling a little upset. "If you were really angry," He grumbles. "Or didn't want me to leave, you would kill me."
Fardan sighs a deep, heavy sigh. "Bijan." He says, and Bijan winces because he has never heard Fardan spoke so soft nor his name ever said so fondly, how could he notice such a thing just now -- "I am furious beyond measure. You are committing treason, after all."
The fairy flutters closer, hovers his hand before Bijan's cheek before placing it gingerly on his cheek. Frustratingly light, because Fardan would never do anything to make him uncomfortable. "I'll make a deal with you," Fardan suggests. "The moment you reenter the desert -- no matter how many years it takes -- I'll kill you myself. For all the crimes you've committed."
Until then, you have to stay alive, Is the words that Fardan is too afraid to say, that Bijan knows he wants to say, that hangs in the air.
"Deal," Bijan mutters.
"Don't cheat on me," Fardan murmurs, some awkward attempt at a joke even though they both know he has no sense of humor to speak of. His hand slips away from Bijan's cheek. Bijan gives him an angry glare.
"We're not even mates," He grumbles, glow slowly become more vibrant, "But sure, I won't."
Fardan blinks in shock for a moment and then gives Bijan the tiniest of smiles, wistful. Bijan ends up feeling as if he's committed another crime.
---
Fardan doesn't see him off, but when Bijan rouses awake in the middle of the night to escape he finds a trio of marbles next to him. Two shades of red and a purple. They are heavy but he carries them the most carefully.
He goes to meet Muna at their spot, greets the young couple who both clutch Muna's small shoulders with tense hands.
"Pretty night, isn't it?" Barad says lightly, white hands betraying the calm smile on his face. Zoya tilts her head in Bijan's direction, solemn with only hardness in her eyes.
"We're indebted to you," She says.
Little Muna takes one look at how Bijan clutches the marbles to his chest, jaw tensing momentarily, and says nothing. He just reaches out a hand, and without question Bijan places the marbles into his palm. The eight year old cradles them to his chest like they're jewels, and Bijan feels a certain fondness for him.
"How pretty!" Barad exclaims. "Truly remarkable! I believe I have a brown and orange one that would make it an exquisite set. If, that is of course, alright with you, mister Bijan?" His words have a sort implicative tone that is hard to catch unless one is looking for it.
Bijan smiles wryly. "Do what you like."
Muna stares at him for a long time after that. He offers no words of comfort but that is fine, because Bijan doesn't want any and he understands an eight year old boy with a curse on him can't offer any. The way Muna carefully hides the marbles in his hands -- so Bijan doesn't ever see a flash of glass from the moonlight they travel by -- is a service in itself.
In this manner, Bijan leaves. The image of Parnia's dead body nor Fardan's lonely little smile does not.
 Siyaahi · Wed Oct 08, 2014 @ 11:45pm · 0 Comments |
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