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I've been proving my father right at every turn. I am no good for anything or anyone. It saddens me to say this. To physically come to terms with this awful truth. I thought I could be better. Make something of myself. Have a loving boyfriend. To live. I thought I was strong enough to jump over the hurtles that have been strewn my way. And for a time I was. For a very long time. Now, I am tired. Tired of the comments I hear my Father and now my Mother make. Tired of disappointing the ones I love. Tired of being someone's punching bag. Tired of being used like a whore. I thought college would make it better...make the bad things go away or at least ease them. The problem was I thought to much. I had this fantasy that everything would go away when I left that hellhole. Even when I met Conner things were looking better. But I messed that up too. I didn't even try to do that. I want to be with him. I want to have a future with him. But because of my self judgement and self-eestem I may have ruined what we only began to have. Words can't fix what has been physically damaged. I've learned this now. I wish I wasn't so messed up. Or that I could at least fix the messed up parts my Father had made in his path..