It's been about a week since I've been trying to get in touch with my love and she has yet to respond. And it makes me wonder, did I do something wrong? Or is she doing what I asked that when she found someone else she'd leave me alone so I wouldn't know? Or does she simply want peace & quite? It irks me that she won't send a little note that says, 'busy, sorry' or 'super tired, sorry' or 'talk to you once I feel like it' or 'leave me alone until I message you'. But no, there is just silence and from this silence I am supposed to derive a message that would mean 'leave me alone' but the years I've known her it doesn't always mean that. Haha, yes all these thoughts have been racing in my mind and a few more for the last week. All I wanted was to tell her something that is important to me, but since she won't take my calls I'll have to e-mail it. She says she won't forget me but I know she will; I honestly feel like a bad memory to her. She will forget me and drown me; she has the most potential to move on, make friends, and get a new lover, and start her life. I am not included in that life. She calls it being happy and she will find it and I'll be forgotten like a bad dream. I am use to being forgotten, it happens constantly. The real thing I've been scared of is my protection, when I am hurt deeply the ones that hurt me are usually punished by my protection. I don't want that to happen to her so I've moved her into my protection, I will always protect her. I am still hurting but I will be hurting for a very, very long time. This has been a mind verses heart matter. It also feels like our best friend status is falling and failing like I knew it would. She said she wanted to be best friends and I didn't really get it; 'x's don't become best friends. It's just me for company and my thoughts. But still I really want to tell her what I've been trying to tell her but I guess I will have to e-mail it. Once I have told her I will renascence about it on here. I am really hurting. I want to say she is too, but she doesn't love me. She is only hurt that she doesn't love me ..
 Wicked Alyce · Sun Apr 07, 2013 @ 12:19am · 0 Comments |
