I don't think that Opheliac is a real sickness but if it was, I'd have it. I'll share with you some of the definitions ...
1. One afflicted by the disease "Ophelia" a condition wherein the sufferer exhibits patterns of self destruction caused by influences both external and internal, and the inability to tell the difference. An Opheliac may suffer from some mental illness such as bipolar disorder.
2. To be Abnormally obcessed (with someone)
3. A person who is their own worst enemy and allows others to destroy them.
4. One who loves self-destruction.
Oddly enough I exhibit all these characteristic, I am an Opheliac, among other things.
Recently, I realized that I had had night terror's about two years ago. I would wake up completely terrified and sweating profusely and adrenaline pumping. I remember one night I was so scared I just jumped out of bed and ran into my bedroom wall and got a bloody nose; every time it happen I'd always just automatically try to leave my room. This lasted for about a year and I told no one, it really scared me.
I'm really getting sick of not sleeping properly, I'm tired of staying up until three a.m. I'm still love sick and miss my past love. Some days are good and some are terrible; I'm very lonely and having a hard time. My loneliness can only be cured by one person. I do try very hard to be brave and strong but I've never been strong. Plus I love self-destruction, I punish myself often. A thought that always lingers in my mind is re-admitting myself to a mental hospital, I believe that I should be placed there permanently. I keep thinking of going on meds seriously this time, who would it matter to if I lost who I was? Not that what I currently am is anything spectacular, though I do love being me and I'd miss the real me at least. Do you know what I've realized? No matter how much I'd like to die, I won't, but once I finally don't want to die and want live, I will. I really wish I could give the years I have left to live to a dying child or someone dying that wants to live and deserves it, I'd like that very much. As much as I fight my depression, I'll let it over take me eventually. You know I don't walk around acting depressed or talk about it because I was taught to keep my emotions all bottled up. It always comes as a surprise to people when I share that I deal with depression.
 Wicked Alyce · Fri Mar 29, 2013 @ 10:18am · 0 Comments |
