I tend to be overly paranoid, for example, a few years back when I was dating my 'x' she fell and had to have surgery on her ankle. We didn't talk for like half a month and I started freaking out. I went all paranoid asking if she was seeing someone else and she just laughed because she was in crutches and had just had surgery on her ankle .. I felt so silly. Right now I am being paranoid again, I know she's working and it exhausts her but how come she can't send a single text? I know matters are so much different now, I know someone reading this will think, 'she doesn't want to talk to you, duh. She's your 'x.' I just don't understand it .. It's not fair really, at all .. I had cornea transplants and as soon as I could I was calling her, but like I said, I know we are different in that aspect. I know she hates the phone, but you know what? I don't like talking on the phone at all either. I only have a cell for her; it's all about her. She is such a brat! I always give and give and give and then she says I don't care and that I wasn't trying with our relationship! I never understood that, I tried to give her everything I thought she wanted ... but it just felt like it was never good enough. All I wanted was just an ounce of what I gave her back. I wanted to feel special too sometimes. Of course there were those moments when she'd do something cute or special just for me and I'd be like .. omg .. it was just so special and perfect. She was scared and nervous though, that's why she didn't do it much. OMG, I just don't get how we didn't work out when I know nearly all the dysfunctions of the relationship, I know all the mistakes I made, I knew her. But me, I wanted more ... I wanted to be smothered in love, I wanted it my way .. But I thought I at least deserved a little extra after seven years? You know, I don't think she really stopped loving me. I think she still loves me .. I think she just wants to teach me a lesson? I think she is just showing me tough love? And that she'll come back eventually? ... ;;cries;;
 Wicked Alyce · Thu Mar 21, 2013 @ 11:14am · 1 Comments |
