*Sigh*
August 5th, 2012--This is the day I felt everything changed. This was the day where not only did I realize my now-late Dell Inspiron E1705 of five years was not going to last much longer, but also the day where the headstrong resolve that drove me in such years past was broken. =.=
To recap this whole incident, 8/5/2012 was the first day my late laptop's cooling fans began to go haywire. For reasons unknown, they would kick into frighteningly high speeds and whenever that happened, I'd find the CPU completely clogged up and the rig almost completely unresponsive. As my laptop had been suffering from a malfunctioning backlight inverter and a battery that could no longer store a charge, I thought that overriding the BIOS myself with a fan control utility would do the trick.
It didn't. Q.Q
Instead, all I felt was an increase in anxiety--anxiety in which I would wake up one morning to find my laptop completely dead. That was what drove me to purchase my current rig, a HP Elite h8-1300z. However, my anxiety clouded my judgement in which I ordered it online and had to wait two weeks for it to be assembled and shipped out, when I could've gotten a HP Elite h8-1256s at Staples for an equivalent price and not have any wait time at all. During this wait time I purchased a HP dv6-7010us--a laptop that I could never get used to. Its arrow keys were half-size, which made it impossible for me to play Elsword and Pangya on, plus I'm the kind of person who cannot get used to a screen size smaller than 17". When my h8-1300z finally arrived, I returned the dv6-7010us for a full refund.
That whole ordeal in August was what caused me to become anxious over my computer equipment's condition. It was such that it took me awhile to realize desktops actually make noise when operating and that all that was happening was my anxiety going out of control. Eventually I got ahold of myself over time and as such, my anxiety steadily subsided. =.=
Things would be fine for most of September until the 26th of that month, in which Verizon would change the cables in the back of my house. Since then, I would experience frequent instances of my DSL sync being interrupted, thus resulting in me losing my internet connection. As this was far from the first time this had happened, it never lasted more than a few days.
In fact, it lasted roughly two weeks. On Friday, 10/5/2012, I gave ACN (they're my ISP) a call and relayed to them the problem. They ran a check on my line and found they were in good working order. Despite that, they knew I wasn't convinced and thus set up a Support Ticket for me. A tech from Verizon would be dispatched to my place either the Saturday after that Friday or Monday. Since I knew no one would come on Saturday, I remained anxious throughout the entire weekend.
Monday, 10/8/2012, finally came. After not being able to handle the thought of my DSL cutting out every single time I tried to do an Elsword dungeon run for almost a week-and-a-half at that point in time, I gave ACN another call (after my DSL de-synced again) around 10AM. At first I dreaded things as they told me they had no ETA for the Verizon tech to be dispatched, so I gave them my number to call me back.
Two hours later, around High Noon, ACN called me back. They told me that there was no need for a tech to come by as Verizon had fixed things on their end. According to Verizon, I was located too far from their Central Office for my 7.1mbps service to remain stable. As such, they reduced my line speed to 5.0mbps and my DSL sync had remained stable ever since...barring a seemingly isolated incident in which the sync was lost while I tried to update my Elsword client on Wednesday, 10/10/2012.
Right now, I'm still recovering from the anxiety, stress, and depression resulting from my DSL woes over the last two weeks. The DSL de-sync from Wednesday morning caused my anxiety to skyrocket and on that day, I could not keep my mind off of making sure my DSL connection was stable. Since Thursday, my state of mine has gone from DSL connection stability being all I could think of to said issue residing in the back of my mind--kept there only by actively trying to not think about it.
Just like with my computer woes before, it took time for my anxiety to completely subside and this is likely the case with my DSL woes. I just hope my fears in regards to my DSL connection's stability are nothing short of anxiety-driven paranoia--the better for me to get my life back. =.=
*Sigh*
I wish I could get my iron-clad resolve from before I turned 25 back. Nowadays, I've become so hypervigilant that I'm essentially nothing short of a nervous wreck. Q.Q
Thanks for taking the time to let me confide in you guys--It really means alot to me. Q.Q
CrazyBunnyShota Community Member 
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